Maeve

While I am on the topic of a "shout out", I thought that Maeve Nicoll really needs one. In her very own right, she is really quite a special girl. She certainly is the typical 10 year old with her constant arguing and negotiating. She is also the typical 1st born - in charge and certainly confident. But what's not typical about her is the brave nature she has in facing the world. She wears the craziest outfits from time to time but with such confidence that even I believe she can actually pull it off. Maeve is also naturally sweet. Something, I never felt about myself - I don't remember being "sweet", even at 10. I think the best way to describe her is that she is just super comfortable in her own skin. She makes friends easily and has not had much difficulty in school. I think she just knows she can do it and if she can't - that's okay too. One time I asked her if she thought she was pretty and she said "yea". But not like, "of course I am" or even like an excited "can you believe how pretty I am" either.....it was just a very simple, "yea". I was so happy she thought so - I would have done anything to think I was pretty at 10! So when I look at her sometimes I wonder where she came from. This tall dark beauty with confidence sans the arrogance who can enjoy activities to the fullest even when she doesn't excel at them. Who is this girl who comes downstairs in creative get ups from head to toe, ready to face the world? She tries to be friends with everyone and I have never seen her be mean to a friend. I am SO happy that I think she has true empathy and appreciation for her world. Truth be told, she is a gem. The time we spend arguing is a small little hiccup compared to how easy it's been to parent her. (remind me of that the next time I spend 20 minutes trying to get her to clean her room!!) So this is a shout out to Miss Maeve Onnalee Nicoll....doin' me proud!

Moving on and a shout out!

Well my last post was certainly a rough day. But I must say that we have had some great days since. Again, I can not state this enough - If I can bear the "nonsense", then we all do so much better. So, if I can just stand the bickering or eye rolling or repeating rules, we all do well. It's when I start to feel the agitation like Harper must feel when the squirrels torment her from the telephone wires, is when we start to disintegrate as a unit. So the rest of the week, I dug a little deeper, accepted typical kid behavior and breathed. We were all happier. Take note - mothers lead the way. It's a ton of pressure to know that your reactions and actions LEAD anything when you feel depleted but it's the reality of mothering. All of us will have days that no matter how deep you go a diggin', you can't find patience enough to make PEACE a part of your day. But then it will also pass and you WILL be able to later....Breathe. Dig. Rest.

I have to give a "shout out" to my guy. Although he doesn't read my blog. I never really write about him but today I will. I am super lucky that after 12 years of marriage, I still would rather hang out with him than almost anyone else. I am lucky that he "gets" me and that instead of golf, concerts and bars, he's home w/ us or with the kids so I can go to work. He can handle the KID thing just as well as I can (probably better at times). He can get them where they need to be. He can initiate play dates. He brings them to the pool. And he can do all of this and make dinner too! I work in peace knowing that Rob Nicoll is in charge. I know I am lucky here b/c for some reason, some men can't quite do that...Mostly, we are completely simpatico with little moments of irritation (almost always his fault!@). The other day Peter said "why do you always hug Daddy?". I was so happy they notice this. I hope they always see 2 people who love each other, help each other and are happy. They will also see 2 people who ask the other why in the hell they can't close the shower curtain or put their shoes away!

done

When I sit down to write blogs like this one....(which is the whole reason I blog - just to be honest about my life knowing/hoping that it connects with someone so that if they, too, have these issues, they will know they are not alone), I always feel compelled to first gush a little - have great kids, super sweet, kind, fun, loving, appreciative. I guess I want everyone to know that I adore my children even though I need to sit down to blog about why parenting is SO SO hard!! So it's like a disclaimer.
Disclaimer - Even though this blog may indicate that I am about to move to Idaho to escape parenting all together, I will survive and stay put b/c I love my super sweet, kind, fun, loving and some times appreciative kids.

I know all moms know what I am talking about. You start out calm. Everything is under control. I have corrected the same behavior (rudeness or meanness or disrespect - the 3 big NO NO's at my house) for the 42nd time today. But even so, I am still strong and clear. I simply state, after lunch you will have to spend time in your room. Now...she already has a play date scheduled at 3:00 which I can't cancel b/c they are coming to my house from the pool. So I am screwed here - no leverage. Anyway, back to the plan - "you will go to your room when you are done eating until Mia gets here". Daughter - "then I will never finish eating". SO many choices here - which one do I chose? Do I ignore so not to engage? Do I pick her up and take her to her room? Do I move Peter, me and Maeve from the situation? I choose to ignore. THEN, said child takes bits of her pizza and tosses it in my direction - about 3 times. I look at her like she has got to have lost her mind to do such a thing.
'Go to your room".
NO
I pick her up and bring to room - she is screaming "ouch, your hurting me". I put her in her room - a room that has 2 entrances. She and I spend about 2 minutes going in and out of her room and me staying calm. She walks towards 1 door and I go to block it, she goes to the other door and I go to block it. I am still calm. I even say "you are not going to go out there and ruin everyone's afternoon". I am calm. I try to say "look at how you were behaving at lunch". Daughter - screaming crying. I think I am the only one who deserves to scream and cry. After the billionth time of her trying to leave her room, I snap and am now screaming - the very thing I was trying so hard to avoid. I was trying SO hard to remain calm and clear. I yell "don't get off this bed". She actually stands up. STANDS UP. WHAT?????? She says "I hate living here". All I can think of is REALLY? You hate living at a place that will not allow you to throw food at your mother - yep, that's tough living. So I said, "okay, then leave.". I pick her up and bring her outside, lock the doors and went to bed. I laid in bed until i was calm and clear again - like a nice time out. All the while, she was pounding on the door and ringing the bell but I didn't care b/c at least she wasn't in here. After about 5 minutes, I unlock the back door. She comes eventually.
To be honest, I am done. If she comes in great, if not, I don't care. DONE. I have zero interest in correcting the behavior of an 8 year old who thinks it's okay to throw pizza at her mother. NONE. And when I am this mad, I am really done.....I almost boycott all parenting all together. That's the power of L, she completely sucks me dry to the bone. I just want to go to bed and call it a day. But alas, I must carry on. I must continue to parent. They will eventually have to eat. I will have to dry her pizza throwing ass to ballet later. I will HAVE to carry on. This is when i get even madder. She took a beautiful peaceful day and pecked away at it slowly but surely until we arrived at this moment. Her alone in her room (which is all i was ever asking for anyway!!!!!!) listening to music and the other 2 still requesting shit from me - can friends come over, can you come watch me to do a somersault, can you buy me a new helmet.

And here's the kicker - now I feel like shit. Like a bad parent b/c I lost my temper. That last helping of guilt and self loathing is the added bonus that I accepted at part of life the day I said "hey hon, I think I want to have a baby".
I was just trying to have a good day.

Happiness and work

It was so ironic that today I received an email from the library telling me that The Happiness Project is now available for me. Perfect timing b/c I was just about to pout all over town. You see Real Estate is a little like the marines - the hardest job you are going to love...and then of course, I like to add my own ending of ..."and sometimes not love" as i am sure that is true for both. Or maybe even all jobs. Summer is tough on Realtors b/c it's slow. And by slow I mean you can list a house and a month later still have NO showings. Slow. And the explanation and remedy to that "slow" wears heavy on the shoulders of a realtor. But this is only part of the picture. Working in real estate can be hard but also full of satisfaction and joy. And I think I can speak for many Realtors when saying that all we really need is a tiny sprinkle of joy to keep going. We don't need every deal to work out and we don't need every client to love us, but we do need sprinkles. Without the moments of LOVE and JOY it's just like any other job. It's the gas to this machine. So I was just out on lawn talking to my friend Anne who is an amazing listener and I were breaking it down. I come inside to see the Happiness Project email and had to laugh. Because REALLY I have NOTHING to be unhappy about. Then, just as I started to blog, up pops an email from a realtor "you fully executed contract". YAY - a deal!!! An accepted deal. 2 things - first the Happiness Project email and then the "fully executed contract" (the sprinkle of joy i so desperately needed) and I sprung up with a spring in my step, popped open a cold fizzy diet coke and felt a million times better. THANK you Real Estate God for sprinkling me today. I needed it and I will use it to move forward in a positive thankful way - I promise!

The rise and fall of the Nicoll Children

It's been a while and I could seriously write about a million things like how the current state of Real Estate has sucked all joy out of being a Realtor. Or how we Nicolls have lived a great summer full of adventures big and small. I could discuss how it's impossible to loose weight in summer or how it's also impossible to find silence during summer. But I think I will take some time to write about how funny it is to watch each of my children fall in and out of my good graces and the others flock to be in that #1 position. Lily loves to see Maeve in the hot seat and I think both of the girls have found a lot of joy seeing Peter fall from adorable can-do-no-wrong little boy to the sometimes naughty and increasing willful 4 year old. And I guess it's a rhetorical question to ask why all 3 can't be sweet and considerate and helpful and amiable all at the same time. For centuries, I am sure all mothers have watched the kids take turns as the "easy" ones or as the very very trying ones! Summer can bring out the best and worst of everyone. The best of me - fun, adventurous, thankful. The worst of me - aggravated at the lack of ALONE moments, impatient, tired and maybe even sometimes....debbie downer. Mid summer is the biggest test. June is adrenaline. Lots is planned, fun is everywhere, celebrations are often and we are just so damn happy to not make lunches every morning. July starts off with a bang with parties and parades and we know we are about 1/2 way through w/ summer. Then 150 requests for play dates later, I started to feel the longing for some structure and silence. SCHOOL. I was almost ashamed to say it. I certainly don't wish summer away but I could use the break. Take note - MID TO LATE JULY PLAN GET AWAY WITH HUSBAND ALONE.
Nonetheless, I can't control the calender. So as I watch each child take their turns at most beloved to most aggravating, I breathe deep. It's only 7/20. We have about a month plus to go. They, too, need the structure and the constant contact with friends that school provides. So tomorrow morning, we are having a meeting to discuss choosing joy over NOT joy for 1 more month while we all live within these 4 walls. Choose joy. Choose quiet. Choose reading. Choose peace. In return, I shall provide one more month of the greatest summer of your life...maybe.