When You Know Better...You Know TOO Much!

I think I can safely say that my generation of mothers are uber conscientious about our parenting....What are we doing well?  How are we failing?  And I don't think our constant evaluation stops at parenting.  I think we put a ton of pressure on ourselves to be good well-rounded adults...woman, wife, friend and citizen of the world.  I have to wonder how this came to be.  I truly don't think our mothers were spending their time scrutinizing if we watched too much TV or if they were contributing to society enough or how could they be better wives.  I think they did their job as mother, church members, wives and  just did them.  I think they simply just did it. Meaning, they didn't sit around questioning their instincts...they just did it.  You go to church b/c it's right.  You eat meatloaf b/c it's what I made.  You don't watch Dallas b/c it's garbage.  I don't believe there were follow up thoughts like "well, if all of the other kids are watching Dallas, I certainly don't want her to feel left out.  Maybe I'll call Joan to see if she's letting her daughter watch Dallas".

I think my mom had some basic guidelines.  

no sugar cereal

no nude pantyhose until high school

no pierced ears until 6th grade

no watching shows like Dallas or Knots Landing

be home on time

eat what's served 

go to church

Beyond that I don't think she was scratching her head wondering what she could do to ensure I was a good person.  I think she, like most mothers of her generation, just put her faith in me and the process and probably figured if I didn't make it, I'd figure it out on my own. She wasn't asking me how my friends were or if I had any life questions.  She didn't try to make sure I got a certain teacher or a friend in my class.  It was what it was. She didn't have parenting magazines, talk shows (beyond Phil Donuhue!) blogs and books to consult (or in my case, books that make me feel guilty that I don't read them!).  I wonder what my mom talked to her friends about on the phone? I just have a feeling it wasn't about us. 

So back to the question.  Why are we constantly evaluating our successes and failures.  Why can't we just be.  Maybe one reason is that whole Maya Angelou philosophy of "when you know better, you do better".  Maybe we just know too much.  Personally I know way too much.  My  head spins with information about organic food, high fructose corn syrup, too much TV, too much technology, bed times, reading, flash cards, math games....are we active enough, are we too busy.....time with your husband, date nights, social time, exercise, too much caffeine, not enough water, too many carbs, not enough protein.....volunteer in your community, volunteer at school, volunteer in your child's classroom, do something for the poor, feed the hungry.....go to church, volunteer as a family....OMG.....too much info!!!!  It's just way too much - at least for me.  I do actually have friends who can master much of the list above but I know I can't and what I'm really starting to think is that's okay.  I mean I hope it's okay b/c like I said, I can't do it all and the stress of knowing that can be exhausting.  So why not let it go?  Why not say "okay, I've done what I can and I have faith that they will turn out well and if they don't, they'll figure it out".  I bet I'd feel a ton better if I could quiet those voices that say "you should...".  I'd feel so much happier if I could shut out the judgement...my own judgement.  

So as school was quickly approaching, I started to feel real anxiety about the summer.  Was this the summer I had planned?  Did I get to both have fun AND relax and restore?  Did we do enough to be ready for school mentally?  Well I can honestly say I don't know.  But if I don't let it go, I'll drive myself crazy.  I didn't exercise or walk enough or read enough or go into the city enough or clean out closets or work with Peter enough on academics and the list goes on and on.  And as I'm typing, I'm tempted to make a list of what I DID to just to prove that indeed, this summer was awesome.  But I'm not going to that b/c I'm working on stopping evaluation and the list would only continue that mentality...  Summer was what it was - no evaluation necessary.  School will start whether I'm ready or not.  My kids will survive.  I will too.  Now I'm going to go light up a cigarette, pop open a Coke and read the newest addition of Reader's Digest....oh, sorry, that was my Mom!