Complete melt down

Tonight, while taking a few breaths looking out my kitchen window, I wondered what would happen to lab rats if they had to jump on and off their wheel every 45 minutes and do something different and then back to their wheel again......all day long. Would they too end up literally shaking while making dinner with head spinning and heart racing? I'm guessing YES. Some meltdowns you can see coming. Some come out of nowhere. This one could have been predicted. Why I hadn't done a better job preparing myself, I have no idea. Actually I do have some idea - I have no time to prepare myself. It all started with the always bad combination of too much work, too much volunteering, too little attention to my own mental health and far too many cold and dark days. Throw in a little "race against the clock" mentality and a smart ass kid and things get rolling. Top it all off w/ the fact that I had one child being dropped off to my house at the same exact time I was picking one up. And that I couldn't find shoes in the 5 seconds I left myself to get out the door so I actually wore HIGH HEEL DRESS SHOES w/ gray sweats. And had peter and b/c I feel guilty running in and out of the house all day, I brought Harper too. At this point, I was okay. Tired, but okay. As I got to school, I noticed all of these cars were parked. WHAT??? Why are they parked? Are we supposed to be at this dress rehearsal? Oh shit....is this the day I am going to be trained as the "microphone supervisor"? I am wearing high heals w/ sweats!! I have a preschooler and a dog in the car? I am supposed to be home for Lily!! That was the moment it all came crashing down. I didn't have my phone. I was so panicked I was actually going to just drive off when I saw Maeve flag to me that I needed to come in to check her out. I am SURE this information was in an email. I am positive of that. But I read a billion emails a day and lately, I can't keep track of what is what - work emails, volunteer emails, school emails, schedule changes....who knows. I was just proud I knew last Tuesday was "bun day" at ballet. Anyway .....I run into Fairview huffing and puffing, car running w/ Peter and Harper, and me in brown high heal shoes, white sports socks and gray sweats..... When I returned to the car, I was a disaster....ranting about how all of this is "too much". I am boo hooing big time all the way home. I arrive home to find that indeed, Lily and her ride is waiting for us (thankfully, the driver is a dear friend!!). As I am melting down, I think "I have to make dinner....I have no idea what to make". Once inside, I trip over boots, backpacks. I yell out "pick up this crap. I do not want ONE SINGLE THING touching this floor unless it's furniture...". I go to make dinner.....literally shaking....wondering why I said I would help with the cast party. Why did I say I would be microphone supervisor. Why did I say I would chaperon the 5th grade Open Gym Night. I know the answer.....I think it's important. I know it's the right thing to do. I know it means a lot to my kids. But as my mind races between work and writing Thank You notes for the Foundation and getting a deposit to the venue for next year and loosing weight and working out and the many missed choir practices and why I haven't gotten my family to church on a regular basis and how I really don't like playing Star Wars and how my son doesn't know the alphabet and have I had enough water today and we don't have a present for a birthday party and how Rob & I make zero time for our relationship, it's exhausting. And we all do this. I am not alone. This is not a boo-hoo fest for me. We are all interrupted every 45 (or fewer) minutes w/ pick ups and drop offs and questions and meal prep and phone calls and door bells and homework. We moms (and dads!) are insane humans. That is why we all long for quiet and peace and our beds. This is why sleeping is my favorite thing to do. I know I need to simplify. It's VERY difficult to do....it's all important. Work, life, kids, our health, our time, our experiences. I have zero idea how to do it any better. I should make better lists, take better notes, be more prepared. But, in the end, I am just too tired.