Don't Envision - Just Arrive

I really do remember thinking I would be a great parent to teenagers.  I really thought I could easily remember the emotions of that age and therefore, could nail this parenting thing during these years.  I mean, this is right in my wheelhouse - open dialogue, empathy, support !  I just remember thinking I'd be better at this than I was at the creative/playful stages of parenting.  So here we go I guess....let's see if I can walk the walk.


Here's something that I never considered.  What if my child doesn't want open dialogue?  Hmmm?  I mean I certainly didn't want open dialogue w/ my mother that's for sure.  BUT I thought I'd be a cooler hipper version of my mom and who wouldn't want to break down life's details with this kick ass made-for-TV mother?  So here I am readjusting....again.  I must find the balance of being open without being TOO much for my fairly emotionally reserved child.  How can I be there, get the scoop, counsel and advise if I don't know anything?  Maybe there's nothing to know.  Maybe I'm not quite needed yet.  Maybe I AM too curious/worried about the interactions of today's tween with the world.  Maybe I should just let go a little bit....  HOLY SHIT...letting go has never been one of my strong suits.


So I have this tween who is the most tired human alive.  To be fair, she's mostly pleasant and only possesses about a third of the obnoxiousness that her mother exhibited in 6th grade.  So I'm so happy about that.  At the core we have ZERO problems - just the typical argumentative crap and occasional manipulation.  I can live with that.  I just need to change my vision.  I envisioned that she would come home and from school and say "I felt so insecure today and I don't know what to do?" or "I'm having this problem with a friend and I don't know what to do".  MAMA TO THE RESCUE.  Here's the great news - I DO know what to do.  I held onto those memories and lessons for a reason - for this very moment  - to pass down my wisdom- to save my kids from any and all pain!!  However, it appears that's not how my 12 year old rolls.  No pouring-her-heart-out to me moments.  I just have to change my vision again bc to be honest, I never considered the other person in that little movie I made for myself.  I never considered that she wouldn't just gobble up my vast knowledge and understanding of being 12.  WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST PLAY ALONG DAMMIT.  The lesson here is that in these visions, that have messed w/ me since I became a parent, are the real problem - they set us up.  I picture myself a certain way, I picture the kids a certain way.  THAT needs to stop.  I need to just NOT envision and instead just arrive to the moment open to all the players.  Not easy - but this is what I've learned in the last 12 hours.  Learning...adjusting....learning...adjusting.....