Beware - Emotions Unfiltered

Most of the time I edit my posts.  I rewrite.  I analzye.  I pontificate.  Today, I am writing.  Logic and reason are taking a back seat to emotion.  Which to be honest, is how I roll most of the time anyway.  

Prior to having children, I knew that I would LISTEN to my kids.  Not let them rule.  Not let them sway my decisions.  And NOT because I claim no one listened to me growing up.  But because I really wanted to KNOW them.  I knew that I wanted to get them - hear them. And through all of this getting and hearing, we'd be closer.  We'd be a fluid motion of growth. That was always my plan.

But obviously I am the only social worker who lives at my house.  I wish someone asked me HALF the questions I ask them.  And I'm talking "what's for dinner".  I'm talking about "how do you feel?"....."what do you think?".  MAYBE kids don't know the answers to these questions (although I did but I've always been emotionally more available than most!).  MAYBE kids don't NEED their parents to get and hear.  Maybe I wasn't considering that not all people want to share and cry and share and laugh and share and problem solve.  I have said "When I ask you these questions, it's not because I care about the answer, it's because I care about your thoughts". Blank stares.  Or "When I ask you this, it's not because I'm nosey - I could care less  - but it's because I am interested in YOU, not the answer".  Frustrated huffs and puffs.  So after 13 years of "when I was a kid, I can remember feeling pretty nervous when....." or "I bet it's hard if you have a friend who....", I AM DONE. This morning I retired from Social Worker to the Nicolls.  No longer will I ask someone how they feel about a situation.  No longer will I entertain what they might possibly be thinking. Enough. 

If only these kids knew how lucky they are (and believe me, I spend a lot of time telling them).  Some parents NEVER ask.  Some parents DO NOT CARE.  Some parents rule the roost with no regard to a kid's input.  I BEG FOR INPUT.  So as luck would have it, their's has run out.  This morning I relinquished my role as Emotion Detective.  My message to the kids - start a support group, get a journal, jot down some notes, remember to share with your therapist when you're 35 - do what you need to do but don't you dare ever claim your mom didn't care about your thoughts!!! 

Signed, exhausted from trying to be nice and caring.