My medical charts....oh, what they must say

The other day I was at the Chiropractor for a first time appointment. We had a long talk and then he left the room to set up x-rays. He left my chart on the table. I will admit I sneaked a peak to see if the words "Nut Job" appeared anywhere. Luckily for me, I saw nothing. Then today, I had to take Harper back to the vet for a follow up blood test. I saw a vet there who I haven't seen since I emotionally collapsed in his presence about 2 years ago. I started wondering how many charts exist out there that say Julia Nicoll = Nut Job?

At Mt. Plaines Animal Hospital the chart is full of, I am sure, stories of me crying that I'm worried Harper has cancer....or crying when she gets shots.....or crying when she gets her blood drawn...or crying at anticipation of a dental cleaning. Bottom line, they just take her to the back now for everything and bypass me completely. Perfect.

About every 18 months I am convinced I have Lupus. It's not a big deal and this realization isn't alarming at all to me. I have Lupus. I have all of the symptoms and of course, that mean I have Lupus. I go to my arthritis DR and tell her that I am SURE I have Lupus. She goes along with it and although she's "doubtful" that I actually have it, she will run the blood work. The blood work always comes back with zero indication that I have Lupus. I am sure my chart is highlighted with bold letters "PATIENT SELF DIAGNOSIS VIA WEBMD. ACT LIKE SHE MIGHT BE RIGHT, RUN THE TESTS AND THEN SLOWLY BREAK THE NEWS THAT LUPUS CAN'T BE BLAMED FOR ALL OF HER PROBLEMS'.

There is no doubt that there is a file located at Northwest Community Hospital's ER that says "WARNING - THIS NUT JOB MOM HAD P.T.S.D. FROM THE TIME HER CHILD HAD SEVERE INTUSSCEPTION. THE CHILD IS FINE. THE MOTHER NEEDS PSYCH HELP." It's true that after Peter experienced intussception, every stomach ache he had made me run for help. I'm happy to say I'm over that now.

Without question, there is a file that probably alarms with lights and sirens at my dentist office. I am a complete dental phobe and probably the only adult who cries at the dentist and worries THAT the Nitrous just isn't quite strong enough. I am sure no one else has bawled to the receptionist about cavities and how "shocked" and "devastated" they are over said cavities. Clearly, the receptionist is probably requesting I stay medicated for check out next time. My chart must read "TOTAL NUT JOB PATIENT. TREAT HER LIKE A CHILD. OFFER HER WARM NECK ROLLS. DRUG HER UP AND DRUG HER UP SOME MORE. DON'T TELL HER SHE HAS CAVITIES UNTIL SHE'S IN HER CAR".

I am happy to say that there are no charts at my children's pediatrician office. I am mentally stable there, believe it or not. Go figure.