Finally

Wow - it's been so long since I've written.  I mean, not in my head but certainly here at my blog.  I think like with all things, if you don't keep it up - getting back in is hard.  Only because I kept thinking "I haven't written...there better be a worthy reason for the delay".  Well, there isn't.  Nothing big happened.  Nothing exciting or tragic or life altering.  Just time and space.

Here we go.....FEBRUARY 2013!
I will just start really with the School Year.  What a year really for change and adjustments and for more change.  And for learning about myself.  Some moms are probably masters from the beginning - I wasn't.  I did some things well and some things sucky.  I managed.  I did the best I could - maybe.  But as time goes on, I have been able to really sink my teeth into this parenting thing.  Early on - tired/unsure/stressed/tired.  Now, maybe because I actually sleep through the night, I have a clearer vision.  So my point is that parenting ages 2 and 3, probably not my best work.  Parenting 6, 11 and 12 - I'm getting there - not alone or without a ton of work but I'm getting there.

7th grade.  Well, I think I've written before that my vision for parenting a tween/teen played out something like an After School Special.  Kid has problem.  Kid tells understanding Mom.  Mom empathisizes and solves all problems with sound wisdom.  Hmm?  Didn't really turn out like that.  So I have had to adjust my personal story - the record you play in  your head telling you how it is.  I've had to really think of my daughter as her SELF.  Not as me when I was 12 or not as me as I wished I was when I was 12 and not as her as I expected her to be.  But just as HER.  It sounds smiple but it really took me off guard.  Since I have accepted this, I am WAY better off.  I am reading a book that talks about "loosing control" and up until recently I never thought of myself as a control freak and honestly I'm not - I like things "under control"....is there a difference? Well, either way - she is who she is.  She's stubborn.  She's confident.  She's simple.  She's HER.

5th grade.  A fine grade for some.  A boring grade for others.  For Lil, I'd say she's neither inspired or in hell but because of her disposition, she'll lean towards "in hell" more than inspired every day of the week. I wish I could make her feel more confident.  I wish I could create a full happy social friend life for her (only because I believe that's what would be great but believe me, she doesn't roll that way).  I wish she felt sure and smart and comfortable in her skin......ahhh, the words of a Control Freak!  But she's fine - she really is or maybe she's not but she's HER.  Back to paragraph 3.  Kids are who they are.  She is fine having a few friends versus a gaggle of girlfriends. She's going to complain just as many times as she's going to be happy - or maybe even more.  She's mighty.  She's vulnerable. She's also delightful.  She's HER.  

1st grade.  A year of growth for Peter.  Happier at school.  Growing confidence in reading.  Still sweet.  Still funny.  Still HIM.

So I plug along, as we all do, trying to be a good mom, good wife, good Realtor and a decent human.  I make mistakes every day - I'm not kidding.  I stomp my feet and roll my eyes and grit my teeth but I try.  I should re-title my blog - TRYING!