Be yourself - but don't be like that!

I caught myself.  I caught myself, once again, having zero idea of how to navigate the world of parenting.  Well I have some idea but I, with no question, vacillate between total and complete parenting confidence and clueless insecurity! 

The other day I felt that Maeve was "putting on" as many 13 year olds do.  You know - talking a bit too valley girl for my liking (J.K. girlfriend, J.K.) and being a little too show offy and lastly, contradicting every word I said....you know, basically how every 13 year old in the world acts. But this was all in front of a friend of mine.  And more and more this summer there are two Maeves.  The one who is here with me at home - normal voice, normal attitude etc.  Then there is the Maeve we see when she's with friends. I call that "Disney Maeve". Mostly b/c I like to blame the Disney channel for most things but definitely for teaching kids to scream words instead of speak them and for the over-the-top way kids converse these days.  So nonetheless, here I was watching "Disney Maeve" in action.  

A little later on, I mentioned these two Maeves to her. I kept just trying to communicate to just "be herself".  And she kept saying "that is me Mother...you obviously don't know me".  And at first, I was thinking yea right - that's not YOU...that's some TV version of how 8th graders behave...come on, be YOU, be Maeve.  But then the light bulb went on and I realized HOLD UP LADY, YOU ARE ASKING A 13 YEAR OLD TO BE HERSELF.  NOT POSSIBLE. SHE DOESN'T EVEN REALLY KNOW WHO THAT IS AT THIS POINT. i mean seriously, I struggle with identity half the time and I'm 32.  Or 45.  So I backed it up and apologized and got a grip. The last thing I want her to think is that I don't dig HER, whatever the version.

It's not easy letting them "be themselves" when sometimes that "self" isn't always fun to see.  So since yesterday, I've been embracing that "j.k. girlfriend" side as much as possible.  And when I say "the sky is blue" and she says "The sky is not blue Mother, it's gray", I will breathe and remember something I had forgotten these past few weeks....IT'S HER JOB TO ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF ME.  SHE'S 13.  SHE'S SUPPOSED TO ACT GOOFY. SHE'S SUPPOSED TO CONTRADICT WHAT I SAY.  THIS IS THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE. BREATHE.