What a week!

Oh my gosh - I have so much to write. What a week! I worked a lot and the kids had a lot and we have colds - but let's start at the beginning...

Last weekend we were in Wisconsin. Peter LOVES going - loves being with Oliver and Elliot. He kicked and cried and really let me have it when we left. "Why do always makes us leave when we are in Wensconsin?". "You are a rude woman making me leave Wendsonsin". Nonetheless - we had to go. Of course, getting a way was great but I had work on the mind (as always lately!). So we come home, I go out to work and luckily, my clients found a home and we made an offer late on Sunday night. I was finally home and done at 8:30 at night.

Monday the girls were off school. We decided to to The Museum of Science and Industry as it was a free day. It was prefect - not too crowded. Pete's favorite thing - a Little Tykes pirate ship that really could be found basically at any park. But I thought the girls loved everything - just like me. Especially the big engines and airplanes. But later Lily told me she didn't like it. This comes as no surprise - her take on life always leans to the negative.

Tuesday - work, showings, shopping for orchestra outfits.

Wednesday - Maeve's first orchestra concert. These moments are what make the chaos calm. The rush of dinner, getting dressed, being sure we are all prepared. AND having to get to Fairivew 3 hours early just to get a decent seat...But alas, the concert starts and it's no surprise that I am brought to tears. My nearly 10 year old daughter, tall and beautiful and bright, plucking away at her Viola. And I felt pride for ALL of the kids. What a great school and what a great life.

Thursday - more work, meetings, and then my first choir practice. TRUE. I have missed singing in a choir for far too long. So I got a tip that the director at First Pres in AH was really good. I called and said "sign me up". So I was nervous and I will say, I had no idea what to expect. AND I felt guilty taking even MORE time away from home. BUT, this is a creative outlet for me and as music is one of my passions, I felt it worth the sacrifice. It was go great...yes I am super young compared to most other members. But I will say this...I can't believe the welcome. They were beyond welcoming and sweet and even one member took me under her wing and made sure I was taken care of. I came home happy as a clam and ready to tell the world about my new adventure in life - Rob was practically sleeping and sick. So instead, I ate 1/2 a bag of chex mix and watched Friends.

Friday - started out great...but then, I started running late - really late. I was taking pictures of a new listing and then my phone was missing and in the end, I walked in 20 minutes passed the time I have my sitter for on Fridays. AND walked into a house with another child - his friend Alex. Because I WAS SUPPOSED TO BABYSIT AT 1:00. Bam Bam - felt like I was going down. And although my sitter and my friend "have my back", it's impossible for me NOT to feel like a jack ass. And all I could think was "I can't keep up this pace".
Friday night Lily had soccer and she tried really really hard and I was proud of her.

Saturday - worked practically all day. GUILT - rob is sick at home w/ the kids again. GUILT - Peter is crying and doesn't want me to leave. GUILT GUILT GUILT.

Saturday night we did get to unwind w/ friends and Thai food -

Sunday - woke up to go SING. And I loved it. GUILT - leaving the family again. Now I am - AT WORK. When I get home I have to work with Maeve on a school project. I am already prepping myself for Peter and Lily wanting my attention too.

So in the end - my diet consisted of crackers, chex mix and cereal. Barely enough water to keep my poor kidneys functioning. Important people in my life either called or emailed and I couldn't respond. Peter missed more naps than ever in his wee life. And I made countless commitments to exercise every day that never developed into reality...and to be honest, I knew they never would. I was late, tired and illiquiped emotionally much of the time. BUT - we survived. My kids aren't seriously ill. We both still have jobs. I wake up each knowing that I have all I need - a home, a family that loves me, great friends, hope, and enough money to go to Caribou.

And I also wanted to say that every time I blog and I say "I"......I really mean all of us. Because I am no different than any other mother running around trying to make the best of her life and the best of her family's lives. I am not alone in the chaos or the stress. I am not alone in the tears or moments of pure joy. And I know for sure, that I wasn't alone in shopping for orchestra clothes the day before the concert.
I write this blog b/c all moms share one common denominator - trying really hard!

Questions

Peter has so many questions I can't even hear them after a while. All I hear is me saying "i don't know". The thing is I DO know but I just don't have the energy to go into it. Here is a list of the usual questions....and mind you, he barely waits for me to answer before he's on to more questions.
What you eating?
What's in your mouth?
Why are there so many cars here?
What's in teh box?
Can I.......Can I......Can I....???
Where's Lily?
Why did you say that?
What did you say?

I DON'T KNOW.

The list goes on and on and it's not that I am too physically tired to answer, it's just that simply, I don't have it in me - I can't even digest his questions.

Anyway - all is good here. Kids good although Lily had a rough week last week. It's probably b/c I publicly announced that I feel like she's made it over the hurdle. So then almost immediately after I claimed peace in the house, she screamed and cried all week. But this weekend and today have been pretty good.
Maeve amazes me with an unbelievable ease of being. She is really super comfortable in her own skin. I asked her if she ever wanted certain clothes b/c her friends had them (example - word is that some girls are wanting the real Uggs b/c the friends have them). I have never noticed Maeve caring about any of that but I wanted to just check in with her. Anyway, she said, "no. I mean, sometimes I like a shirt a girl is wearing but I don't get jealous or anything". Really? I think she's more mature than me.
Peter is peter...sweet, a bit whiny, loving and funny. He starts every day with "what I got today?". It better be good too.
Real estate is kicking my ass a bit. Lots of time...lots of time. Lots of patience. Lots of time. I think that wraps it up.
Oh...and today I exercised for the first time in about a year. I can honestly say, I didn't enjoy it.

WEll the other day I went to Meijr. I was on a mission. I had a list that ranged from salad to lamp shade to mittens back to clemintines. So I started out so strong. I brought Peter to a co op family and booked over to Meijr. I really only go to Meijr about twice a year. And I am starting to understnad why. So anyway - I started in electronics to get a cartrdige for my printer. They didn't have my kind. Then I got a rug, a lamp, some tights, mittens and then by the time I actually hit FOOD, I was beat. I was sweaty, anxious and overwelmed. But I just kept hearing my Dad's voice "I have never gotten anything bad at Meijr". I plugged along. But I got so freaked out by the amount of aisles and choices that I stopped even looking at my list. It was just an added step that I wanted to skip. I kept hearing words in my head "organic, flax seeds, berries, get out of here, oh looks - cardigans, aqaicia berries, iron, GET OUR OF HERE". By the time I checked out, I felt like I had been in that place for hours. The weather had actually changed while I was in that store. Nonetheless, I survived. But stores like Meijr aren't for a person like - a person who limited capacity for STUFF and for PEOPLE and for even more STUFF.
This week has been incredibly tough w/ time. I have worked a lot. A lot. But I must say I am proud of my managment skills thus far. I have everyone where they need to be. Lunches made. Clothes cleaned. House cleaned. Work stuff in tip top shape. Clients pleased. I had some issues however - like yesterday when I backed into a tree with clients in my car. I then proceded to get stuck in teh snow of this driveway. THEN I had to actually call my mechanic to send some guys to push us out. That's right. I have my mechanic on speed dial. Well, we all survived and I should be getting used to feeling like jack ass more often than not by now right?

I was just sitting here blogging when I called out to the kids that their afternoon shows are over and to get out the homework. As soon as they turned off their show, they literally have said the word "mommy?" 42 times. WHAT?????? I wish they could just say the issue without the "MOMMY????". Like "I don't undertand my math" is so much more tolerable than "Mommy?"......(pausing waiting for my response of "yes") And then the much awaited question of "I don't understnad my math". It's so much wasted energy - just state the issue and drop the MOMMY>?????

Being Censored

I had a good conversation wtih my friend Sheila about writing and being censored. Meaning - it's difficult to truly write with brutal honesty when you know others are going to read it. Like this blog. I know that when I sit down to write I have to watch certain words so that I don't offend someone. And I can't go too far or say too much or complain too much. I am sure that if I remark negatively about something, I comment quickly thereafter in a positive tone - because who likes a big sour puss? I try really hard to "make it real" but of course, there are boundaries that one can't cross, especially with the written word.
So it begs a question. When are we truly uncensored? With our friends? With our husband?
I think for me, that answer might be, only in my own head. And even in my own head, I rearrange thoughts so that they are less negative or more balanced or healthier. But I am going to try to blog right now - unsensored. So be prepared....this is a bitch and moan blog.
Peter cried his eyes out today b/c I left his backpack in rob's car. I don't mean he kind of cried, he freaked out. The preschool teachers had to pull him away from me this morning. It made me cry. And when I got back into the car, the girls said "are you crying?". YES, I am crying. I am a human. With a heart. I know parents are supposed to cry in front of their kids but I do it almost daily. I took teh whole episode as penance for working yesterday (I used rob's car). I boo hood the whole ride home that "of course I fogot the backpack - who can remember everything? I can't even remember who, if anyone is babysitting for us, let alone if I have Peter's backapck. No one else has to remember Peter's back pack. Just me. Of course. Who made sure that I had MY bag today?".....Exactly.
And then a i boo hood for myself all day b/c I have to always worry about childcare and work. And work and childcare. And who is picking up and who is watchign and who is sick and who is not. I even scheduled 2 babysitter for the same time by accident one time a couple of weeks ago. I don't know what I am doing. And to be honest, i HATE thinking about it. And I am the worst with stress. If I am stressed, I am edgy and start to believe that I am THE ONLY PERSON GOING THROUGH THIS.
And then I boo hood even more b/c my dog has peed in the house and it stinks and I feel like I am the only person who cares. I am very sensitive to smells. Scents are my thing. I am all about the smell. I can't take another day of it.
THEN, I just called Sakura, the japaneese restaurant next door, to order a dinner b/c I have to babysit right after I leave work and of course, like always, I am starving. So I order the Chicken Terrikayki dinner. 10 minutes later I go to get my wallet. Guess what, I leftmy wallet in my other coat. So I called Sakura and apologized like crazy but it's no surprise, they are not happy. But we ARE their neighbors and I am starving...can't they show some mercy and say "pay us tomorrow". I just keep hoping that they come to the front door and offer me the meal. I would do that for someone if I worked at a restaurant and had alreayd made them the meal.
Boo Hoo right?
Well - tomorrow is another day and I work most of it. No one wants to hear a realtor complain about being busy...OOOPS>>>.a censored statement. Better sign off before I start pretending that it didn't bother me at all that my sweet husband had to leave work early to come home so I can come work at our office for free....