Being Censored

I had a good conversation wtih my friend Sheila about writing and being censored. Meaning - it's difficult to truly write with brutal honesty when you know others are going to read it. Like this blog. I know that when I sit down to write I have to watch certain words so that I don't offend someone. And I can't go too far or say too much or complain too much. I am sure that if I remark negatively about something, I comment quickly thereafter in a positive tone - because who likes a big sour puss? I try really hard to "make it real" but of course, there are boundaries that one can't cross, especially with the written word.
So it begs a question. When are we truly uncensored? With our friends? With our husband?
I think for me, that answer might be, only in my own head. And even in my own head, I rearrange thoughts so that they are less negative or more balanced or healthier. But I am going to try to blog right now - unsensored. So be prepared....this is a bitch and moan blog.
Peter cried his eyes out today b/c I left his backpack in rob's car. I don't mean he kind of cried, he freaked out. The preschool teachers had to pull him away from me this morning. It made me cry. And when I got back into the car, the girls said "are you crying?". YES, I am crying. I am a human. With a heart. I know parents are supposed to cry in front of their kids but I do it almost daily. I took teh whole episode as penance for working yesterday (I used rob's car). I boo hood the whole ride home that "of course I fogot the backpack - who can remember everything? I can't even remember who, if anyone is babysitting for us, let alone if I have Peter's backapck. No one else has to remember Peter's back pack. Just me. Of course. Who made sure that I had MY bag today?".....Exactly.
And then a i boo hood for myself all day b/c I have to always worry about childcare and work. And work and childcare. And who is picking up and who is watchign and who is sick and who is not. I even scheduled 2 babysitter for the same time by accident one time a couple of weeks ago. I don't know what I am doing. And to be honest, i HATE thinking about it. And I am the worst with stress. If I am stressed, I am edgy and start to believe that I am THE ONLY PERSON GOING THROUGH THIS.
And then I boo hood even more b/c my dog has peed in the house and it stinks and I feel like I am the only person who cares. I am very sensitive to smells. Scents are my thing. I am all about the smell. I can't take another day of it.
THEN, I just called Sakura, the japaneese restaurant next door, to order a dinner b/c I have to babysit right after I leave work and of course, like always, I am starving. So I order the Chicken Terrikayki dinner. 10 minutes later I go to get my wallet. Guess what, I leftmy wallet in my other coat. So I called Sakura and apologized like crazy but it's no surprise, they are not happy. But we ARE their neighbors and I am starving...can't they show some mercy and say "pay us tomorrow". I just keep hoping that they come to the front door and offer me the meal. I would do that for someone if I worked at a restaurant and had alreayd made them the meal.
Boo Hoo right?
Well - tomorrow is another day and I work most of it. No one wants to hear a realtor complain about being busy...OOOPS>>>.a censored statement. Better sign off before I start pretending that it didn't bother me at all that my sweet husband had to leave work early to come home so I can come work at our office for free....