I wish that I could just freeze time. I don't really need my kids to grow another inch or be a little older, at least for a while. When I was little I used to wonder if there was a way puppies and kittens could STAY babies. And I am sure I thought the same thing every time my kids were babies..."if only they could stay this little". But then I would miss out on all the funny things they would say or the interesting ways they became them. And now I can barely remember Maeve's voice at 4 or the funny things Lily would say when she learned how to talk - she has the best voice. I can't even begin to comprehend that Lily was Peter's age when I was pregnant with him. He is SUCH a baby and she seemed so big. But was she? It's just all going way too fast. I don't want them to stay their ages forever, but I would LOVE time to just freeze for a while. Just give me a little more time with 3, 8 and 10. In fact, I just lost 9. 9 vanished away so quickly that some day people will ask me, "what was Maeve like at 9?" and I bet I won't remember. I try to take good notes and video them talking but still it's not enough. Soon, I will have to say good-bye to 3. My baby will be 4. It's blowing by me so fast that I can't keep up. I can't keep up the memories. That's my greatest fear. What more will I forget? Who's going to remember all of this? Who will remember that Maeve was 9 she was patient as a saint with her siblings and when she had something important to tell you, she spoke so quietly you could barely hear her? And who will remember that when Lily get's really serious she barely moves her lips when she talks - it's so cute, I almost laugh b/c she is trying desperately to be serious. Really who can ever forget that Peter says "I'm getting out of here" when he's being disciplined or that he holds my cheeks for kisses and begs you to go to the bathroom with him but then upon entering, he asks for "privacy" - EVERY TIME! I am just so afraid I will forget. And more than forgetting, I guess I am just really sad that I will miss them. I will miss them at 3, 8 and 9. So I am just asking for a little more time. More time for pictures, video, long talks, special trips. More time for them to figure out how to be 8 before 9 is staring them in the face. More time for them to be free of life's worries. More time for me to get them to eat better and go to church.
Just a little more time....
1 comment:
Move over Kelly Corrigan, there's a new scribe in town....Jules, write the memoir, that way you can let go of the fear of losing the memory. LOVED this, because I can see all of the kids as you describe them and because it is so universal. I don't think I know one single person who now says, "geez, I wish they would just grow up already. Time to travel extensively, throw myself into my career, or go bar-hopping." Not that those things are not fun or rewarding in some way, but nothing compares.
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