Peter

Today after preschool.

"What was for snack today?" I ask Peter.

"Grapes. I didn't eat them b/c I don't like grapes".

"You don't? I thought you did. What kinds of fruit DO you like?".

"Cookies".

"No, I said what kind of fruit".

"Chocalate chip cookies".

"Peter, I know you like cookies but is there a fruit you like - bananas, watermelon?".

"Crackers".

Call out!

I can honestly say that TODAY I am a positive person. I try to think positively. But this doesn't,by any stretch, come to me naturally. Maybe NOW it does but it took years of work. I am sure my mom would agree that as a kid, I may have been delightful in some ways but I was a serious "complainer". And then there have been a few specific moments in my life, when someone caught me in big boo hoo debbie downer moment and "let me have it". The 2 that I am thinking of both came in college when I was probably at my deepest of Debbie Downer days. When I think back, I think at that point, it was habitual and I wasn't even thinking about it. But my angle was always a bit edgy - don't mess with me, glass 1/2 full, the world is out to get me, bad luck jules. But these 2 moments which I can barely describe b/c they are so embarrassing, I was totally called out on bringing those around me down. The first one happened as a Freshman - I was taken WAY off guard. Again, I think some of this was habit and some was part of my "shtick" - part of my humor or my persona. But I stood there, so embarrassed that someone actually told me to basically shut it. But I LEARNED so so much for that singular moment. I really did. I made a big turnaround b/c I don't think I realized how much that was effecting how people viewed me. The next moment came when I was a senior and again, I was taken off guard and basically called out for being "negative". I remember feeling irritated - b/c who wouldn't be "negative" when they traffic was bad or so and so was on your nerves or that your basic impatience with the world has just boiled over???? But then I FELT it. I had been FEELING that negative vibe and it was now bringing ME down too. So why was I facing the world with the irritable, sighing, "put out" M.O.? To be honest, I don't know...I really don't. But I do know that those 2 "call outs" helped me a lot. Do I still fall into habits of Debbie Downer? I do, but they are quick to be turned around. This weekend, one Rob Nicoll had to call me out on one. And he was right. It wasn't fun hearing that I was bringing the whole family down with my general aggravation and fussing and fuming. But I KNEW he was right - b/c once again, I FELT it. The remark stung like a bee, but was warranted. I went to Church that morning and felt sad and dumpy but then I thought to myself, "learn from this". I HATE negativity in others - which is probably based in my personal experience. And I really value being the best person I can be. If I can be better, I am going to try. So after church, I told Rob that he was right and I have been MUCH more aware of any eye rolling, sighing, fussing and criticism that come from ME. Sometimes we all just need a little "call out".!
And then guess what I realized when I first wrote this.....I have passed this trait down to someone I know!!! Oh my, it's true. There is a certain person in this house who wakes up many mornings already mad at the world. Once again, I must take credit for this one. Damn.

Random, but important, thoughts...

I have never seriously thought about plastic surgery. Of course, I have thought about getting a better nose or chin but what a big waste of money, right? Well, this was all until this week when I went to Carsons JUST TO BUY Clinique eyebrow pencil. But as I walked through the clothes, I did realize how much I needed summer shirts. So I grabbed a few and tried them on. Now I am saying this as a totally honest person - there is nothing worse than seeing yourself in a mirror with multiple angles. You see your hair w/ dark roots and cowlicks running wild. You see a hunched back. You see fat hips - I mean, honestly I never look at hips. You see bad granny underwear that seemed just fine when you put them on. I tend to just look straight ahead but this day, I got to see it all. It was then that I realized that I must get my chin fixed. It's crazy - not just double but bulbous. GGEEESH. All the way home (and no, I didn't buy anything) I kept wondering how much it would cost? Now, I am a reasonable Midwestern girl so we all know this is just a pipe dream. The chin I've got it the chin I will always have. But for a few minutes, I really considered going under the knife. But for what? Really, I mean for what? So who cares. What's the worst thing that could happen? The very worst thing that could ever happen is that someone else, besides me, thinks I have a bulbous chin. Okay - well, that's fine - I DO!
I am moving on....
Shows everyone should be watching - The Middle and Parenthood.
Things I have learned in real estate this week - Listen to your gut - it's always right. And if you speak to a Realtor or client, write it down so you don't call them back again with the same exact information because you can't remember one hour from the next.
Things the kids taught me this week - that it's totally unfair for them to ever put their own clothes away. It's stupid that we have to eat healthy all of the time and that this is the worst place to live.

Controlling or Controlled?

I was thinking the other day about the kids going somewhere without me and I didn't like it at all. I can't even remember what is was now. But my memory of how I felt is vivid - I didn't like it. Then I said to Rob, "do you think I am a control freak?". He said ....."Uh, yea, kind of". To be honest, I have NEVER thought of myself as controlling. But then I realized that I am NOT a control freak, I just like things controlled. Meaning, I am no willy nilly girl. I like things "under control". I like order, peace, calm, and structure. I don't like things out of my ear shot or vision. I don't like chaos or "too much " of anything. Too much noise. Too many kids. Too many steps to figure out. I like rules and order and simplicity. But all of this realization made me beg the question - WHY? What is going to happen if there are too many toys out? Or too many kids over? What horrible thing is going to happen if it's loud w/ joyful noise? Who knows? I can't really answer that. I can't even think about it b/c it stresses me out. But I can safely say that most of the time when it's too loud, my next thought is "this is too wild, someone is going to crack a skull". Often times I will think, "hey, let's have so and so over" and then my next thought - too many kids. My 3 plus their 2 and Harper too...that's just too many kids. But WHY is that too many kids? What is wrong with me that a house full of joyful children brings me stress. My dear friend Sheila has brought me back to the home she grew up in Iowa many times. Her parents never minded - the more the merrier. People were in and out all of the time. I loved it. I loved being IN it. But the thought of ME being at the helm of the "in and out" is another thing. I want kids up or down. In or out. I just WISH I could be so relaxed - so "go with it". I grew up in a really structured house. My Dad came home at the same time every day - 5:00, except for Thursday when he had the "down day blues" and came home about an hour later. He walked in the door and we all sat down to eat. We cleaned the kitchen every night by taking turns and did chores every Saturday. We didn't have friends over for dinner and I can definitely say that no one wanted to hear my music (a whole lot of Michael Jackson) too loud in the house. I just don't ever remember "chaos". We were either together conversing or doing our own things in our rooms but we knew what to expect each and every day. It wasn't boring - we had a great time - it was just calm and peaceful. Maybe my mom would remember it differently. So I guess I am who I am. I am the oldest - in charge, fairly organized, full of ideas and solutions. If only I could keep all of those traits and add in a few doses of willy nilly. I will try this summer to be more chilled. And to embrace the unstructured chaotic and often loud days that kids at home all day can bring....
Good thing I can drink mid day in the summer!