Harper Jean - A beautiful Irish Girl

When Rob and I first thought about getting a dog we did a lot of research and settled in on an Irish Terrier. We honeymooned in Ireland, loved Ireland and thought the breed was the perfect size and of course, beautiful.  Through the Irish Terrier Rescue we hooked up with this guy Ross in Richmond, Illinois who was fostering an Irish boy named Sarge.  Sarge was two years old but for some reason, we felt like Sarge wasn't our dog.  A couple of weeks later, Memorial Day weekend 1999, Ross called to say he had someone special and unexpected....a baby girl who was 12 weeks old.  This pup was from Canada and was promised to some man when the breeder found out he lied on his application about having a yard so she wanted to get her out of the country right after she was born.  Ross and the breeder were friends from the Irish Terrier world.  So we drove up to Richmond and walked in this big room and Ross unlatched this puppy's crate and out she ran right to us.  She had these long legs and wasn't super steady and reminded us of Bambi.  I don't think we thought 2 seconds about it. She was our's!  We name her Harper after the Irish beer Harp. I can remember that drive home so clearly.  I sat in the back seat with her and had absolutely no idea what to do.  She was a terrier and a puppy which meant she was a mighty force but also so mind-blowingly adorable.

10 months later Maeve was born and 18 months after that Lily was born. I am not going to sugar coat it, the first few years with the crew was tough.  I am quite confident that if Rob would have allowed for it, Harper would be living with another family.  Those years of 3 babies were trying and I can remember my desperation with Harper and the digging, racing through my house with dirty paws, refusing to come in during zero degree weather AND not allowing me to catch her.  She was all rascal and Mama was tired.  BUT when she turned about 4, that all subsided and she was a wonderful girl.  She was never one for games like catch but she always wanted to be WITH us.  For the last 15 years, well maybe not this past year, but all of the others she would follow us everywhere  - every single step I took, she'd take.  If I turned, she turned.  She just loved to be with us.  Harper couldn't be trusted off leash - if she got out of the yard, she was GONE.  But in the last several years, I never even worried if I discovered she was gone because she always went to the same places and they all knew to bring her right back home.  Harper loved the warm fire, the hunt of a squirrel, a good treat, a long walk and the sunshine.  Some of my favorite memories are seeing her sprawled out on our deck basking in the sun.

Harper was a quiet, loyal, beautiful soul.  She really was a unique girl...just a lovely majestic creature really.  On February 21st, Harper turned 15.  We have all been so proud of her growing old and LOVED boasting to strangers saying "she's 13!".   A couple of years ago, while Rob had her on a walk, someone thought she was a puppy she looked so good.  But a few days ago we noticed that she wasn't quite herself.  Yes slow and yes sleepy - as she's been for a couple of years.  But now it seemed she wasn't greeting Rob when he got home and she wasn't really eating and her sweet legs were so weak.  So after a blood test, the vet called to say she was in kidney failure.  When your dog is 15 years old, you know the time will come.  But still, for some impossible reason, it's as shocking as any news could be. To think that the first thing that Rob and I loved together could leave us seemed a near impossibility.  It seemed MORE then 15 years ago actually....a lifetime ago. It was a lifetime ago I sat in the backseat with her - so excited for the life ahead of me...of marriage, a new house and then this gorgeous creature Harper.  I never fast forwarded to this moment.  The moment she grows so old and sweet and after years of loving our family of 5, needs to go to rest.  But here I sit trying to get a handle on the sadness.  Impossible.  We told the kids last night and each one "got it" in their own way...first Lily, then Maeve and after a few minutes, Peter. Watching their hearts catch up to their heads while taking in this sad part of life is a bit much for a parent.  It was difficult enough for me to personally take it all in and I am all grown up.  I kept telling them that she'll be happy and pain free and chasing rabbits.  We were the luckiest to have her so long and to have her so healthy.  We were the luckiest that she loved us back.  

So today we drove to the vet and I sat in the back seat with her just like 15 years ago and we were both so different.  She was calm and quiet and tired and I was sad and sentimental and thankful.  Thankful that the dreams I had when we drove home 15 years ago came true. So I held her as she drifted off to sleep and her whole being seemed so much lighter and more peaceful.  I looked in her eyes and I told her what I've told her every day of her life.....what a beautiful girl, the most beautiful girl in the world, no one is prettier than you.

Rest in peace Irish girl...

Five Months Later!

It's been 5 months since I've blogged.  As time goes on, it seems that I could only blog again if I had some brilliant insights into life's mysteries.  Well, I don't.  But I think it's time to write again...so here goes.

The Fall was a stressful time for us....we were in the midst of a big house project (chaos/mess/decisions/people in and out of the house/did I mention MESS?), kids back in school, busy work life for me, busy extra-curricular for the girls, my Mom had a surgery and then I had a big car accident.  I don't want to over dramatize this - no one was hurt...it was just a car accident. The only real way I can describe the car accident, and this realization came only in retrospect (as all good lessons learned do) is like this....  Leading up to the car accident I felt like I was walking a tight rope and I KNEW I'd never make it across unscathed but I kept on walking instead of just getting off or getting more help.  And when you are IN life like that - hamster on the wheel - everything goes...You eat like crap, forget vitamins, sleep too little or too much.... The car accident just pushed me off that tight rope in one horrific second.  The good thing about things like car accidents or illnesses or maybe job loss is that all the bullshit washes away and you are left with what's real whether you are ready or not.  For me what was real was that I was BEATING the crap out of myself for hitting that car.  I was SO hard on myself for making a mistake.  Still, 4 months later, I have no idea WHY I'm like that.  I felt such shame and embarrassment and fear.  I had to take some time to get my shit together!  

Everyone says "slow down".  I have truly never understood how to do that.  I PREACH slow down to myself and to my friends and I had zero understanding of how to implement that.  It's not like I was some high profile corporate attorney traveling for work and in between training for marathons.  I was just living life....if just living life is too much then man, I'm in trouble.  So I knew that either I continued mindlessly navigating each day with anxiety and stress and texts about who's driving to school OR I took some time to actually figure this out.

I basically concluded that I couldn't slow down life.  My kids have to get to school.  They have to do homework.  They have to get to ballet.  I have to show houses and go to closings.  I have to make dinner and grocery shop.  This is life.  SO....I decided I would slow down my brain.  FOR ME, this has the miracle light bulb moment of my life b/c my brain is busier than a high profile corporate atty.  My brain feels responsible for every little thing under the sun.  But I knew that as much as my brain was in constant motion, I was being completely mindless at the same time.

SO...I started doing ONE THING AT A TIME.  I typically reverse out of my garage AND put my seat belt on AND reach for the clicker to close the garage door.  I put a stop to stuff like this. I just did one thing.  And I said it out loud.   You are backing out of the garage....that is the ONE thing you are doing.  If I felt myself reach for my phone or my seat belt or anything else I made myself STOP and breathe and start over.  It started to work.  I really started to only think about one thing.... You are driving to work.  You are making dinner (not making dinner, reading texts, watching Friends, checking homework). You are reading a book. 

I also started to write out my day ahead of time...assign time to things instead of some vast list of things to do..it really helped see the day and manage the time a lot better.

I also started reading a ton more.  I think reading really helped my brain slow down because you are just reading - thinking of one thing and for me, it was the escape I needed.

So here I sit, months later, better equipped to manage my own head spinning chaos brought on by not only life but by my self.  Of course, not perfectly...but certainly better than last Fall.

Be yourself - but don't be like that!

I caught myself.  I caught myself, once again, having zero idea of how to navigate the world of parenting.  Well I have some idea but I, with no question, vacillate between total and complete parenting confidence and clueless insecurity! 

The other day I felt that Maeve was "putting on" as many 13 year olds do.  You know - talking a bit too valley girl for my liking (J.K. girlfriend, J.K.) and being a little too show offy and lastly, contradicting every word I said....you know, basically how every 13 year old in the world acts. But this was all in front of a friend of mine.  And more and more this summer there are two Maeves.  The one who is here with me at home - normal voice, normal attitude etc.  Then there is the Maeve we see when she's with friends. I call that "Disney Maeve". Mostly b/c I like to blame the Disney channel for most things but definitely for teaching kids to scream words instead of speak them and for the over-the-top way kids converse these days.  So nonetheless, here I was watching "Disney Maeve" in action.  

A little later on, I mentioned these two Maeves to her. I kept just trying to communicate to just "be herself".  And she kept saying "that is me Mother...you obviously don't know me".  And at first, I was thinking yea right - that's not YOU...that's some TV version of how 8th graders behave...come on, be YOU, be Maeve.  But then the light bulb went on and I realized HOLD UP LADY, YOU ARE ASKING A 13 YEAR OLD TO BE HERSELF.  NOT POSSIBLE. SHE DOESN'T EVEN REALLY KNOW WHO THAT IS AT THIS POINT. i mean seriously, I struggle with identity half the time and I'm 32.  Or 45.  So I backed it up and apologized and got a grip. The last thing I want her to think is that I don't dig HER, whatever the version.

It's not easy letting them "be themselves" when sometimes that "self" isn't always fun to see.  So since yesterday, I've been embracing that "j.k. girlfriend" side as much as possible.  And when I say "the sky is blue" and she says "The sky is not blue Mother, it's gray", I will breathe and remember something I had forgotten these past few weeks....IT'S HER JOB TO ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF ME.  SHE'S 13.  SHE'S SUPPOSED TO ACT GOOFY. SHE'S SUPPOSED TO CONTRADICT WHAT I SAY.  THIS IS THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE. BREATHE.  

Dear 2013 Mamas!

Dear 2013 Mamas!
Feeling like a bit of a failure lately because you haven't read this month's issue of Parenting magazine or even your schools last Friday Flyer?  Or any Friday Flyer ever?  I feel your pain.

I probably read 4 Friday Flyers total all year long.  This is my confession....Forgive me Father for I have failed to take vitamins, feed my kids organic food, sign my son up for baseball, exercise and read any and all Friday Flyers.  This is my truth.  Maybe it's your's too.

Every generation has it's challenges.  Our's is a generation with an abundance of choice and information.  As I've blogged before, I am in the constant game of tug-of-war with doing too much and not being still enough.  But it goes beyond that...we are not just worried about our kids....we worry about being total and complete fabulous women, wives, community members, daughters and so on.  We are in a constant measure of our selves.  Are we good enough?  Are we doing enough? Are we taking vitamins, walking, going to church, reading?  Are we meditating, praying, doing yoga?  Are we cooking whole foods, feeding our kids too much sugar, letting them eat food coloring?  Can we be still, quiet, interesting individuals?

Here are some thoughts that cross my mind on a daily basis.

Holy shit - I didn't take fish oil again today.  I've got to remember when I get home. (I don't)

Did Peter eat lunch?

Has Peter had any water?

Oh yea - I was supposed to do my PT exercises.  Crap.

Are the girls taking too much dance?  Should they be involved in other activities?

Has Peter read this summer?  Have I read to him?  (no)

Has Maeve practiced piano? Holy shit I have paid for piano?

Shit - I totally forgot to get someone to be with Harper when we go camping.

Crap - I haven't gotten ready for camping.

Are the kids wearing enough sunscreen?

I think you get my point....

So today I am confessing because you know what they say -  "the truth shall set you free".  So here goes.  

I forget to take vitamins.  I forget to give my kids vitamins. I forget to even buy vitamins. I barely exercise.  I only like to read to myself.  I have no interest in cooking dinner - organic or not.  I'd rather watch Friends than go to church.  I'd rather watch Friends than walk around the block.  I forget to sign my kids up for things - order them t shirts and yearbooks and spirit wear etc. I'd rather talk on the phone than clean the house.  I don't stretch or do yoga and I'd rather lay on a float than swim for my health.  I have self help books I don't read.  I have never framed a school picture or ballet photo.  I dread kid birthday parties.  I am NOT the greatest 2013 Mama by today's standards. But really I am okay with that.  There is stuff I do well - I talk to my kids....I rap funny songs...I support their ideas.  I try hard to balance work and family.  I try to hard to teach my  kids to do the right thing. I try to be a good friend.  I try to remember to drink water.  So for now, that's good enough for me.  And it should be for you too.  Give yourself a break.  Stay off Pinterest and Etsy and blogs that you make you feel like a jack ass for not keeping organic chickens in your backyard. 
It's okay.  You're okay.  We are okay.

Cheers!

Beware - Emotions Unfiltered

Most of the time I edit my posts.  I rewrite.  I analzye.  I pontificate.  Today, I am writing.  Logic and reason are taking a back seat to emotion.  Which to be honest, is how I roll most of the time anyway.  

Prior to having children, I knew that I would LISTEN to my kids.  Not let them rule.  Not let them sway my decisions.  And NOT because I claim no one listened to me growing up.  But because I really wanted to KNOW them.  I knew that I wanted to get them - hear them. And through all of this getting and hearing, we'd be closer.  We'd be a fluid motion of growth. That was always my plan.

But obviously I am the only social worker who lives at my house.  I wish someone asked me HALF the questions I ask them.  And I'm talking "what's for dinner".  I'm talking about "how do you feel?"....."what do you think?".  MAYBE kids don't know the answers to these questions (although I did but I've always been emotionally more available than most!).  MAYBE kids don't NEED their parents to get and hear.  Maybe I wasn't considering that not all people want to share and cry and share and laugh and share and problem solve.  I have said "When I ask you these questions, it's not because I care about the answer, it's because I care about your thoughts". Blank stares.  Or "When I ask you this, it's not because I'm nosey - I could care less  - but it's because I am interested in YOU, not the answer".  Frustrated huffs and puffs.  So after 13 years of "when I was a kid, I can remember feeling pretty nervous when....." or "I bet it's hard if you have a friend who....", I AM DONE. This morning I retired from Social Worker to the Nicolls.  No longer will I ask someone how they feel about a situation.  No longer will I entertain what they might possibly be thinking. Enough. 

If only these kids knew how lucky they are (and believe me, I spend a lot of time telling them).  Some parents NEVER ask.  Some parents DO NOT CARE.  Some parents rule the roost with no regard to a kid's input.  I BEG FOR INPUT.  So as luck would have it, their's has run out.  This morning I relinquished my role as Emotion Detective.  My message to the kids - start a support group, get a journal, jot down some notes, remember to share with your therapist when you're 35 - do what you need to do but don't you dare ever claim your mom didn't care about your thoughts!!! 

Signed, exhausted from trying to be nice and caring.

Real Estate - Kicking some ASS!

So many people ask me how the market is going so I decided to blog it out!  Last Spring and Summer were good.  We were relieved to feel the beginning of the end to the what was a pretty miserable market for 3 or 4 years.  But since this January, houses have been selling at record pace.  I'll show some houses and if my buyers can't decide quickly enough, they will wake up in the morning and they'll all be under contract.  I'd say the difference between now and 2005 is that although prices are up from the debacle of 2011 they are still "under control".  We have the urgency we had in 2005 but just not the price tags. And truth be told, that's a better scenario anyway!  

So I did some analysis.  I looked at specific towns and school districts to see the percentage of homes under contract!  You hear the phrase "low inventory" a lot (which is great for real estate because although frustrating to a buyer sometimes, it really does creates urgency which is always good for a market) so I set out to see if this low inventory was imaginary or real. Again  this urgency is a good thing for a real estate market.  As they say....supply and demand!  So below is a list of neighboring towns and school districts in the Northwest Suburbs with the percentage of SOLD (under contract homes).  For the purpose of this blog - which is just to relay the gist of our current market's ass kicking status, I am only choosing single family homes (condos/town-homes will have to be another day).  Again, this "study" is just to relay the general vibe!  

Example:
Happiness, Illinois - 59 homes listed/26 under contract - 44% under contract!

Mount Prospect - 216/123 - 57% under contract  

• District 57 - 96/62 - 65% under contract
• District 59 - 44/21 - 48% under contract
• District 26 - 50/26 - 52% under contract

Arlington Heights - 342/189 - 55% under contract 

• District 25 -247/146-  59% under contract
• District 59 - 28/13- 46% under contract
• District 21 -40/19 - 48% under contract

Park Ridge - 247/130 - 53% under contract 

Des Plaines -269/141 - 52% under contract

Palatine - 275/136- 49% under contract

Rolling Meadows - 83/49 - 59% under contract

Elk Grove Village - 125/63 - 50% under contract

Couch in the Rearview

Just as a follow up to my last post....here's how my journey from the couch is progressing!

I just finished my 7th day of training (bc you only run/walk every other day and sometimes there are 2 days of rest between days...which I secretly love!).  Yesterday I ran (and by "ran" I mean slowly jog and by slowly jog I mean sometimes slower than I typically even walk!) Anyway, I "ran" 5 minutes, walk 3 minutes  - three times yesterday.  A total of 24 minutes.  I must say that I am in SHOCK.  I am in shock that 2 weeks ago I was literally tortured at the hands of the 1 minute run/1 minute walk scenario.  Yesterday I ran 5 minutes and the first time I looked at the stopwatch, I had 35 seconds left....that is HUMONGOUS!  Add that to my overwhelming hatred of movement, muscle usage, sweat and being out of breath - it's a miracle this thing is coming together.  

Do I feel better?
Again - I don't finish the training and want to climb a mountain - I typically have my sights set on a nap.  BUT I feel mentally better.  Probably because I'm doing something I thought I couldn't do. I feel proud that I finished because at least 42 times during the training, I consider the many excuses I could create for stopping. Here are a few....
my toes itch
my feet are numb
I have to pee
I am too thirsty
I'm too cold
I'm running out of time
I don't "feel it" today (Like i EVER feel it!)

What helps?
Well I've done a lot of different things in an effort to distract me from the pain and agony during the run. I've listened to podcasts, I've ran outside, I've ran on a treadmill  I've listened to my Ipod and I've run with Rob.  Running with Rob was no good  -well, it made me not quit bc I wouldn't want to quit in front of him but he was talking and probably wanted me to respond but because I had no breath, I couldn't gather up any words or respones....I just nodded. Podcasts might work if I could find some super interesting ones...I need like a murder mystery/switched at birth kind of storyline.  Treadmills don't work for me - hard time finding my stride, too many onlookers, too much pressure....  The best combo for me is running on this inside track (and it's free) where only seniors hang out while listening to the Top Hip Hop Hits via Pandora on my phone.

What's next?
Well - I have to register for the Run - making it official.  The debut of my athleticism. (Feel free to join me on 5/18 for the Got 2 Run Race for Education! www.got2run.org!)

Tomorrow I am suppose to run for 7 minutes.  SEVEN MINUTES???!!!! My God.  
Stay tuned!