Enough

Well I think it's safe to say that I have had enough summer. Not the weather - it's been great. Not the sunshine - it's been energizing. Not the lazy evenings - they've been a relief. I guess it's the people. You know the people - they live here, mill around, stay up too late ( even though they are to be sleeping), wake up too early, fight too much, eat too much, eat too often and generally suck the life out of me at their first glance. Now saying that - of course, I love my children. Of course. They are truly fabulous people - sweet, extremely kind to the world, interested in life and energetic. They are smart and healthy and engaging. I guess the problem comes to this...if, for instance, they stayed up late and got up early and hung around me like bees to honey AND were sweet and loving to each other, I would be elated. Who wouldn't be? Your own brood just snuggled in with love abounding....right? But in the case of this morning, it just wasn't that scene. I shall paint the picture...
I wake up at 6:30 when the biggest cracking sound shot through me - it was Rob walking on our 60 year floors. I make my coffee and toast, watch about 10 min of The Daily Show and then turn it off to read in the breeze of the morning air.
Suddenly, I hear Lily's door....I don't see her and so I think she must have gotten up to go to the bathroom and gone back to bed. Well, about 5 minutes later all 3 are standing looking at me. Apparently, she went up and woke them up. Today is Junca's 17th birthday. So they are excited to "make breakfast" for her.
When my eyes met theirs I felt a fear swell inside. An anger perhaps. Because i KNOW what this means....IF it meant the lovely scene I spoke of earlier with kindness and love, I would greet them with a warm embrace. But I know better. I know that everyone just lost about 2 hours of much needed sleep. I know that within 3 minutes there will be either a mess or a fight or a request or a demand. I know that they might seem joyful now but later, when that lost sleep catches up, they will be demons. I KNOW BETTER. I also know that I was also just robbed of my morning time and I am certain this is something my mental health cannot afford.
Saying that, I calmly say "it's too early. Go to my room, watch TV and speak not. I will get you when it's a good time to be up". They follow my directions. The next 2 minutes is kind of a blur. As I sat back wtih some relief that I would be able to continue reading and sipping, I hear a scream, a cry and a stomp. I put down my book, stomped to my room and went totally insane. I pounded my fists in the air. I spoke with flames exploding in my mouth. I was a lunatic at best. With a controlled yell I ordered each individual to freeze in their spots, shut their traps and listen up. I begged them, for the love of God, to SHUT UP. To NOT fight, not speak, not move. I try to explain that I have given them the best summer of their short lives. I remind them of beaches, trips, events, friends, parties. I describe my generous spirit of summer fun. I go on to explain that I birthed 3 children to love one another and be kind and protect one another. I didn't have children so that they would disturb the peace of this house. And that certainly God did not bring them in the world to fight over the remote. They looked at me with their usual expressions of victims as I continued to plea for peace. I want one thing...peace. Peace for them. Peace for me. Enough.

Can't a girl have a coffee and a book and some quiet at 6 fucking 30 in the morning on a summer day?

Enough. Go to school. Mama's done.