Being sentimental!

And I know I am far more philosophical than most. But when I am amongst the world, i often look around and think about my place in it. And my place or relationships with people. It does help shape my vision for myself and how I want to live. This Thanksgiving has been no different. I have really learned more about myself this Thanksgiving than ever. For one, I miss my Grandma. I really miss our Thanksgivings at her house. Some of my most fond memories of any holiday are htose Thanksgivings. Something very special was alive during those years in Nashville. And as lucky as I am to have had them, I feel super sad I will never have them again. And I think it goes beyond that it was just that I was younger and so much less responsibilities. I think it was a gathering of like minds. A gathering of true family love. Love for each other and love for Grandma and love for Nashville. Sometimes it just hits you and this year it did.
So what do I miss about it? Everything. The drive into Nashville. The excitement I felt when I pass Aunt Julia's house and know I am almost there. The sounds of the gravel road under my car as I turn to my Grandparent's. The anticipation of who is already here...who's car will I see. The sound of her door opening and the smell of Grandma's house. The great hug she can give only around my waist b/c she is so little and hearing her say "little julie sanders". And then the hugs to follow from everyone who is there. Are my parents here yet? Is my brother here? Where is Jeananne? The second question after "how are you Grandma" I would ask for 20 years..."is Jeananne here yet?". Then the rest is just whip cream on top. The food. The laughter and many inside jokes that only us Roses would understand. The walks. The coffee. The shopping. Hearts. IU basketball. A game of pool. All of it.
Now, for a while, I felt so sad that I couldn't give this same experience to my kids. But I think they have it. They have it here. The same things but here. It's just not my Thanksgiving. It's theirs. I feel sad that mine is kind of over. That is growing up. Seeing yourself in the world but feeling a bit out of place. Much like the theme of one of my favorite books The Middle Place. I am really there. I am in the middle place for sure. Certainly not a kid anymore but from time to time, I really miss what I had when I was one!