Who was that?

I saw someone today that I barely recognized. I saw her in the reflection of the doors at Fairview. It was ME. My mirror and my brain NEVER see that person. What a sad state of affairs that we actually have to CARE SO much about our bodies...I continue to struggle w/ just the pull between leave me alone and let me drink hot chocolate and I know I would feel better if I drank more water. There is no doubt that I would prefer to not care about this shit...I would much rather just not care. But the reality is I know I must. Why? Well, I don't want to be an unattractive bloated 40 something mom I see in the reflection of the store front. I just don't want to do the work. In fact, I am resentful that on top of everything else that I concern myself with, my physical condition is yet another item on the TO DO list. That it's not enough to actually THINK about being healthy, I actually have to actively work on it....just add it to the list. I don't mean to bitch here - this is no pity party. I am not some dumb ass who thinks that just b/c I used to skinny without working at all for it, that I deserve that right forever. I KNOW that everyone has to work at it. I am not trying to be lazy here. I am just trying to be real. My REAL is that I have some free time each day. I do. I am not busy every second of my day. But I want to use that free time to do things I enjoy. And exercise and not eating snacks are things I don't enjoy. I enjoy watching Oprah. I enjoy watching Oprah while eating a snack. I am not happy with the ongoing pressure to break that daily tradition and actually move my body. I know, I know...NO ONE LIKES TO EXERCISE but those who do, get off their arses and get it done and I just bitch about it. Maybe when Peter is in school all day. Maybe I will have more freedom to STILL watch Oprah AND exercise. And no, I don't want to exercise WHILE watching Oprah - I can't concentrate and I am not comfortable. I like to get comfy w/ a blanket and beverage and a snack. Just keeping it real....