How ironic that while Maeve made post it notes for the table tonight w/ our names she made an additional note that said "family dinners are joyful". Yea right. Here is how many of our family dinners go....
I either lazily make crap or energetically make something good.
We either have constant arguing, name calling, back and forth bullshit or we have a civilized meal.
Rob and I either reprimand and control or we laugh at our hilarious loving children.
Guess what kind of dinner we had tonight? Well I can say this much....it WAS NOT JOYFUL.
I kept thinking "did Mrs. Ingalls ever go through this?". Seriously Mary, Laura and Carrie wouldn't have EVER argued about who talks first or who looked at who. They would, with respect and reverence, thank their Ma and Pa for working so hard for providing a meal. Now I realize that Little House on the Prarie was a TV show and maybe not a fair depiction of reality. But I know for sure that if Ma or Pa even had to raise their voice, those kids listened.
I can same the same for Mrs. Huxtable, Mrs. Brady, Mrs. Walton and so on.
Point being is I am tired. Tired of making dinner. Tired of cleaning dinner. But it's all palpable IF at least the audience is kind and thoughtful and at the least, pleasant.
Onto something else....
I had a mammogram today - totally routine. And before I go any further, just to alleviate any stress at all, it was normal. Anyway - I am always quite proud of my ability to handle medical stress. I never jump to conclusions and I feel totally capable of handling anything...(well except for the time Peter was sick last August). Anyway...I marched in there today, so strong and friendly and making sure I sent the message that "this mammogram thing is not going to stress me out!". Even as I sat in my gown flipping through magazines, I made sure my vibe was "easy peasy". So she called me in and was so sweet and kind and my attitude was "no problem". So she said I could go sit and wait for the results. It took a bit longer and I was done w/ a few magazines and then I started thinking..."a - hah! There WILL be a problem -something to try to crack me....but I will just respond with the same attitude - no problem". Then I started thinking..."of course, there's a problem, you are too confident, not nervous enough....poster child for anyone can get breast cancer - even you! program" Then she called me back to say they needed a re -take. "Of course, no problem". Re -takes don't bother me. I had to do re-takes last year. I am tough against re-takes. I am a PRO at re-takes. Some people might be nervous now, but not me...I am easy peasy with the re-takes. Back in the waiting area, I am now convinced there is a problem. Of course, there is. I just read The Middle Place, I have done the Avon Walk, I am far too cocky and frankly, feel like shit every day so YES I probably do have breast cancer. I can imagine her words...She will be kind and try to cushion the blow...I will respond with confidence...that even if she finds something, I will still NOT jump to conclusions. Because I am not really strong in many areas of life...I cry a lot, I am wimpy at athletics, I quit projects when they get too tough....but I have always thought that I am definitely TOUGH at medical stuff...and this damn annual mammogram is NOT going to get to me.
At last, she calls me back to say I am in the clear for another year.
I knew it. No problem.
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