A Perfect Night

The night I met Rob, I think we both knew that we were on to something pretty fabulous. Maybe love at first sight. Much of this "love" was based on 3 vital things. Both of our favorite TV shows was The Brady Bunch. Our favorite movie was About Last Night and we were both huge college basketball fans. Rob a KU fan and me an IU fan. LOVE.

So 15 years ago Rob asked me to marry him at the LP Zoo lights on 12/27/2006. I have said it many times, it was the greatest single moment of my life. It was all I had anticipated and there couldn't have been a happier person on the planet. So yesterday we went to see the lights and Santa at the zoo with the kids. We've been to the zoo w/ them a ton but never to see the lights. I couldn't help but to be sentimental. As we were walking around, I had to do the math and realized it's our 15 year engagement anniversary. That's pretty wild. It really is. I kept thinking that there was some couple there last night who might be getting engaged and they couldn't possibly know what's ahead of them. 3 kids! A full life....Wow.. Plus, being in Lincoln Park always makes me way sappy b/c it's the place of our courtship. A place that truly represents a time in my life that I thought about ONE thing......us. Nothing else - not problems or work or money or any responsibility at all. I must admit, I WISH I could that back once a while. At least the ability to just care about 1 thing but now our lives are so full of responsibility and challenges that "us" takes a big back seat.

ANYWAY - we have watched hundreds of basketball games together. We LOVE the tournament. I might even love the tournament more than Rob. We have fantasies about, when the kids are older, taking off work and flying out to the cities that host the games we want to see and then doing it again the next week. In retirement, this could be our annual vacation.....chasing the tournament.

Last night KU beat OSU who is ranked #2. As much as we both love this stuff, we handle it WAY differently. Rob was silently monitoring it on his phone. Not a word. And I wasn't about to say a word b/c talking about it is not RN's style. His expectations are low. Well he says they are low but I bet secretly they're a little higher that even he would want. Anyway, he finally turns the phone towards me to see the score. WHAT? This is crazy...they are about to win.....HOLY SHIT. He is mellow. I am not. He was probably afraid to even tell me. We are happy with the victory and head into see Santa at the zoo. Rob is now monitoring the IU game. Now my expectations are honestly low. IU is certainly making a come back but they are in NO position to beat the #1 team in a the country. A team I despise. A team that, back in the day, were each other's greatest rivals. Not only are my expectations low, I can't bear to watch or know the score. So it's a perfect set up w/ Rob monitoring - if it's bad, he says nothing and I don't need to know the damage and if it's okay, he will quietly let me know. Through the evening he lets me know - 14-12. 30-22. We are winning. Holy shit. But they can't keep this up. I can't bear to know any more. So we see Santa and Peter was sweet as could be asking Santa if he would rather have tacos instead of cookie on Christmas Eve. Santa says that's a great idea but easy on the beans. So we see some more lights and head to RJ Grunts. It's packed and an hour wait. I look up at the TVs at the bar - they ware WINNING. 12 minutes left. Holy shit. I can't bear to watch b/c now I WANT them to win. I know it's possible. Can't take the heart break. We leave to find a place to eat....John Barleycorns. We get a great parking spot, walk in and get a table. I look up - 2 minutes left and we are winning. I have a huge flat screen 5 feet in front of me and a big group of rowdy Hoosiers at the bar. I'm in heaven. THIS is heaven to me. I am a mix of giddy and scared. I say to myself (and to Rob) that it doesn't matter. Even if they loose, they made it close which is more than I expected. Then we are down by 1. Then we loose the ball. OMG I can't watch this. UK has 2 free throws and are already up by 1. There are only 5.6 seconds left. God Dammit...I was trying not to care. I am barely watching. One eye open. The guy misses one free throw. OMG. He makes the other but only 5.6 seconds left. They are down by 2 and my group of rowdy Hoosier guys are bursting at the seams. I am slightly out of body when those seconds slip away and my stomach is in agony when Christian Watford goes to shoot and 3 pointer. It goes in. WHAT???? I jumped up and am yelling "Oh my God, that didn't happen?!!". The rowdy Hoosiers are insane, I am in complete disbelief. Every Hoosier at Assembly Hall is running on the floor. I am in heaven. This is unbelievable. I said is at least 30 times. Unbelievable. To get a perfect parking spot, to make it there in time, to be surrounded by other IU fans. The only bummer is Lily wouldn't talk the rest of the night b/c I embarrassed her w/ jumping and yelling. I hope, for her sake, she loves something enough in her life that she jumps and yells. I can barely focus....bliss....heaven. I smiled all night. Who couldn't? Good beat evil. Twice in a night. Our teams just beat the #1 and #2 teams in the country. And our kid just asked Santa if he'd like tacos. Seriously people, I'm living the dream.

Shitty Day

Yesterday was a really shitty day. Which was pretty ironic b/c I started off by telling Peter that I bet he would have a great day. He said, "why do you think that?" and I said "it's just a good thing to think". So my PMA ended not long after my proclamation that 'if you think it, you will fee it' l0ad of crap.

1. I am a huge dental phobe but had to go b/c of a pain. I braced myself for the worst news. In fact, I suggested they not even tell me what was wrong but just keep it to themselves, schedule me for the repair, I show up, get the nitrous and go home completely oblivious. They laughed but I wasn't really kidding.

2. Parenting - I can handle parenting stress one kid at a time - if that. I had my plate full w/ one child's saga when another child expressed genuine sadness/grief/pain over a legitimate issue. WAIT A MINUTE!! I only problem solve 1 kid at a time! Defeated and exhausted, I took a bath to retreat. During these baths, I always hope that when I get out, Rob has magically solved all of the world's problems.

3. I had to call the DR b/c of a prescription that our insurance wasn't covering. I had the script in my hand but by the time the nurse got on the phone, I could no longer find it. Sounding like a complete idiot as I babbled about how "it was just here" or "I'm so sorry", I finally offered to let her go and I would try to find it again.

4. Observation class for ballet. Parents can bring treats for the end of class. Did I? Of course not. I never thought about it until I walked in a saw a big table full of treats. Duh.

5. During observation, my daughter slinks passed me and mumbles "I hate ballet". Great.

6. Work. Well if you are familiar with the term "spinning your wheels", then you are familiar with the work of a Realtor. Now finish that phrase...."spinning your wheels for......". That sums it up.

7. I have been sick all week - well for a few weeks and I cough all night. So I keep cough drops on my nightstand to suck on during my sleep. I had one left. I put the kids to bed and watched TV. Peter came out a few minutes later to ask me to turn down the TV. I asked for a kiss. His breath smelled like MY COUGH DROP!!!!!!!!! WHAT????? I was totally destroyed. "Where did you get that cough drop and why do you need a cough drop?". I almost started bawling. That was my last cough drop. DAAAMMMITTT!

The day sucked. But that was yesterday and everyone has shitty days. Today is much better. I got more cough drops, more medicine, a latte from Starbucks and volunteered in Peter's classroom. Like Mr. Slinger says in Lily's Purple Plastic Purse, "Today was a hard day. Tomorrow will be better". Mr. Slinger is so wise.

Warp Speed

Have I already titled a blog Warp Speed? I am sure I have b/c it's just the life in which we are all living right now. Do kids in their 20's live in warp speed? Do new parents live in warp speed? Personally, this lifestyle started for me about 6 years ago....whenever that was. Who knows, I can't remember much from then to now.

Anyway - when there's a long gap in my blogs, I always feel great need to update. But seriously, why recount the many ways that time has passed. School concerts, countless meals, countless clean up, homework, projects, meetings, work. You know, we've all been there. I could certainly recount the wide range of emotion that guides me through each day. Hate Fairview Follies/love Fairview Follies. Bountiful pride for my children/a longing to lock them in a room for a couple of days. Gratitude and love for my husband/aggrevation that after 15 years together, he still tries to talk to me at 6:30 am. (OR EARLIER!!). The list goes on and on. We all live it. A vivid recollection of the emotions and a complete lack of memory for the details. So I'm blogging in the present - the only thing I really have a handle on.

The Holidays are upon us and per usual, I think I pretty much have it together and of course, I can attend the House Walk and this year we are going to go to the Bethlehem Night at the church down the block and I will, without doubt, make room for music in our schedule. This was all until yesterday when someone said, "I'm going to the House Walk today". WHAT????? The House Walk is TODAY? Holy Shit! Then, on my way to babysit last night, I passed the church down the block. Guess what they were doing? BETHLEHEM NIGHT!!!! Lastly, I see a FB posting from the Director of a choir thanking his singers for the concert I wanted to see earlier in the day. DAMMIT - I wanted to see that concert.

So what was I doing instead of all of those things? RELAXING! WORKING! LIVING LIFE! The bottom line is that I cannot do it all. I know some people can but I just can't. I can accomodate some work. I can accomodate a few meetings. I can accomodate probably 1 Christmas celebration. But you know what I really really need more than the House Walk. TO REST. I need to sip tea, wear pajamas, watch sports, make cookies, and blog. I WISH I could really go it all. But I can't. It's a reminder that every year I have grande expectations for Christmas. Each year I think, "this will be the year we make it to the midnight service at church". Or, "This will finally be the year I make home-made teacher's gifts". And always, "this year, I am going to make soup and deliver it to my friends". In the past, I have wanted to make scrapbooks, read to the kids next to the fire, knit (I don't even know how to knit), make snowmen (which truly I hate doing), sled, go downtown, have friends over, make egg nog, and on and on and on. So is it a case of much too high of expectations or complete lack of follow through?

Either way, my promise to myself AND to the Nicolls is that while we are off for Christmas break, we are kickin' it old school. We are taking techonology off the table. Phone off the hook. Suspending play date inquiries. We are wearing only pajamas. We are baking. We are thinking of others. We are watching movies (I haven't ever even seen ELF dammit!). These are things I can accomplish AND need. Maybe we can make it downtown for lights. Maybe we can go to caroling. Maybe we can go to the mall (okay, that one made me cringe!) But one thing's for sure, WE WILL BE IN THIS HOUSE - TOGETHER! Whether they like it or not b/c Mama needs it. And you all know what they say about a happy mama........HO HO HO!

Stress

I am keenly aware of my own stress - when it's high and when it's under control. I am not the kind of person who can walk around under stress on a continuum. I need it "under control". I can tolerate it for a while...a week or so. But I have to fix problems and I have to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I really value my mental health. I know that sounds obvious - like who doesn't?But I work on it. I make a conscious effort to have good positive mental health. I have learned a TON throughout my 43 years about MY part in my mental health. My own self talk. My own bad choices. My own state of mind.

I am currently under more stress than I have been with work issues and life issues. Yesterday I called a good friend to help counsel me through. Here are some tips if you are spinning in too much stress.

Call a friend. LISTEN to that friend.

Implement a change that YOU can control.

Make a list of things that no matter what you do, can't be controlled then let it go.

Listen to your gut and take action.

STOP talking about it. For me, the more I talk sometimes, the worse it gets.

By day's end, have some things accomplished that will help you sleep without worries.

Take a bath and if necessary, TAKE A BENNEDRYL.

Grapefruit Diet follow up -

Okay- the grapefruit diet is still going well, however tweaked. Of course, there were a couple of days on the weekend when I broke the rules. I am pretty sure that Spotted Cow, stuffed dates, lasagna and cake are not on the grapefruit diet. But, you know, you've gotta live life. Monday I was back on it. Here's the scoop - I am just watching sugars. That's the bottom line. So I do eat bananas and apples and I am pretty sure I am not supposed to but as my friend Jenny says, "there's never anything wrong with something that grows from the ground or a tree".

So, how I am feeling? Pretty good. I can tell I am loosing weight. I never trust scales b/c I feel like they can swing 3 lbs every day. But my clothes are fitting better. And truth be told, I do not feel like I have deprived myself really. (Clearly, see Spotted Cow comment!!!)

The Grapefruit Diet

I am not insane enough to believe that the Grapefruit Diet or the Hollywood Diet or the Cabbage Diet can be sustained but last week, I had a few things come up that jolted me into sheer panic.

1. Lily videotaped me doing a rap for her Fairview Follies act. We watched the tape and besides being horrified, I was mortified. To top it off, my rapping kind of sucked.

2. Whenever I feel the need to change in p.j.s the second I am home, I am aware that is because everything I own is too tight. That's not good. I wore p.j.s all last week.

3. While stuffing a donut down my throat, I ran into someone who has probably not eaten a donut in years. If ever.

4. Lastly, I stupidly looked at old pictures. Never ever look at old pictures of yourself if you are currently in the p.j.s stage.

And because we are going on vacation in a month, I would prefer NOT to be a bloated mess in every picture. So there I found myself googling "how to loose weight fast". I chose the Grapefruit diet. I know it's crazy but I needed something drastic with strict rules. Because if you give this girl an inch, she'll take a donut.

So it's been 6 days. Day 3 was tough b/c I am sure I was going through major sugar withdraw. Given my typical diet of cereal, bread and yogurt, I was overloading every single day. Here is a list of food items I typically can't resist. No matter what.

donuts

ice cream

coffee cake

sweet cereal

But I am proud to say that today I bought Peter a Frosty and didn't get one for myself. I saw a commercial for Almond Joy Coffee Creamer which would usually set me off straight for my purse and keys but I am resisting. I am staying strong 6 days in...

Saying that, I am not a purest when it comes to the Grapefruit Diet. Who could be? BUT, I am trying to lay low w/ the sugars and increase the proteins which I typically consider to be a condiment at best. The greatest change to my diet is the amount of veggies I have managed to consume. I guess when you aren't stuffed with chips and salsa, a salad with dinner doesn't sound too bad.

I have no idea if I have lost weight. But I do know that I am not wearing p.j.s and I am not as sore (sugar causes inflammation!!!!). We shall see!!!!

43 - The new 40

Let me start by saying that I think that 43 is the new 40.  OR, I am just 3 years behind...which would make sense b/c I have always been a little immature. I would have friends say "well, since I turned 40...".  I never felt any different at or after 40 until recently. But finally, alas, I feel a little happier, a little more secure and a ton more acceptance.
Acceptance...
I accept that today,while sneezing, I not only peed my pants, I actually had to change my clothes.
I accept that even though I am trying to remember that 2 different things can't occur at the same time, I am continuously double scheduling.  The old me would be beating myself up about that to no end but recently, I am letting that go.  Kind of even okay w/ the fact that I bet I will do again probably this month!
I accept that I will never be able to sit Indian style again.
I accept that some people don't like me.
I accept that some days I parent well and some I don't.
I accept that I never got my kids into going to church and I am pretty okay with that.
I accept that sometimes I want to be social and sometimes I want to be alone.

To accept means that I no longer am expending energy to fix it.  No more worries.  No more strategies.  No more relentless efforts to get this thing done perfectly.  I know I used to say "I am not perfect" but deep down I wished I were.  Now I am honestly just OKAY with it.  Again, I love the Gretchen Rubin commandment of "Be Gretchen".  I am just finally happy to just "Be Julia".

Gratitude - Top Ten

1. Thank you to the postal system for giving me back my old mail man.  I was so happy to see him and what's sweet is that he was equally happy to see us!
2.  Thank you to my OB/GYN DR for being funny, normal, human and for calling me "Jule" the whole time.  Love it.  Thank you Dr. Sadowsky for making me feel in shape, happy and young...even if it's only for 15 minutes.
3.  Thank you to the Mt. Prospect Park District for crediting me for the swim class I signed Peter up for but never sent him to b/c I totally forgot I signed him up.  Thank you 19 year old kid for listening to me plea my case of the "overwhelmed syndrome" ....And lastly, thanks for not making fun of me when it would have been really easy to do so.
4.  Thanks to The Plant Manager for such a sweet and simple landscaping design.  I finally feel grown up.
5.  Thanks to Indpls for proving once again last weekend, that a girl CAN always come home and feel the love..
6.  Thank you to District 57 for being a fab school district and helping me raise my children!  You are practically co parenting at this point so I appreciate all the help!
7.  Thanks to my friends, for whom I would be NADA without.  Thanks for making me laugh, for the counsel, for the perspective and for the reminders that I can't attend 2 different meetings a the same time (some of you know my schedule better than I).
8.  Thanks to my 3 cherubs who have adjusted to school and structure better than I could have anticipated.  I swear you do more and do better than I did as a sophomore in college.
9.  Thank you to my never ending supportive crew at Picket Fence who let me melt, recover and melt again.
10.  And lastly - a HUGE shout out and thank you to my husband for taking such good care of our lives...for making sure we never get another drop of water in our house, making sure the roof is done right, that the cars all have stickers and for making sure our checkbook balances. (The list goes on and on with this one!!

Good Old Fashion MY KIDS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY Blog

My mother kept her emotions in check when I was growing up.  Very rarely could I see that we had pushed her straight over the edge.  I do remember two times she had had enough and once threw a bowl of walnuts and once threw a glass angel.  Let me clarify, NOT at us.  Both times we deserved the wrath and I say "we" b/c as much as my brother was the golden child, I clearly remember him standing there next to me when it happened.
It should be no surprise that when I loose my cool, I throw stuff.  Again, never at anyone...(well maybe there were a couple of times the throw was directed more towards a human...).  Today, it was Peter's water bottle.


Let's back the truck up -
At 6:30 this morning Maeve wanted to argue about why I keep saying she likes things she doesn't like.  Since summer her vocabulary consists of "you always" or " you never".  I have come to accept this language and for the most part, ignore it.  But this morning, when far from the caffeinated level I need to be at to function, she wanted to list the things I say she "likes" that she doesn't like. And "never did like". The list went on for a while and consisted of teachers, food, shows, etc..... I held my hand up and said "no more words".  Maeve, "why, I am just trying to have a discussion about something that.....".  NO MORE WORDS.  Finally silence.


Then an hour later my continually disgruntled middle served up the typical responses to my questions.  Her words were mixed with a tone of "you are the biggest idiot alive".  Now when you call her out on this, she starts crying claiming you are so mean.  So it's not easy to navigate the psychosis of a 10 year old but I did my best.  She was aggravated that I asked her why she doesn't want to use a certain backpack in the house. She was snarly at best that I asked her why she changed clothes and finally she was ranting that I love Peter the best. (I love him the best b/c I asked her why she doesn't like the Landsend backpack?????)   Usually this could go on and on but Mama had enough so we separated and when it was time for her to leave the house, I opened the door, she exited and I closed the door.  Sad that we didn't have our usual sweet good-bye I was tempted to open the door and say "bye sweetie" then I heard her words from 10 minutes before - "you are the worst person in the world".  See ya.


About 30 minutes later, my sweet angel boy argued once again about pants then the jacket and   finally his water bottle.  He is only going to bring the camouflage water bottle.  Well, of course, I can't find that one....so I say, "how about this water bottle?".  Peter falls to the ground in total collapse.  WHAT????  This is just a god damn water bottle.  This should be simple.  MAMA IS WEARING OUT!!!  So I throw the water bottle back into the pantry and say, "we are out of here...pack it up....we are going to the bus.....I am done with this nonsense......I can't keep arguing about simple stuff.....".  As we walk in silence to the bus stop, Peter walked about 10 feet behind me.  I hear him say, "I'm going to step on the cracks and break her back".  Well to be honest, I had to laugh to myself.

What I want...

Here's a list of some things I want....
To have about 3 days of complete quiet...peace...calm.
To have unlimited coffee and treats while I enjoy my peace.
To sleep on and off during the day if need be.
To wake up, make coffee, watch news, go for a walk, take a nap, read, more coffee, rest.
My own bathroom.
A new van.
A bigger kitchen.
No resonsibilities beyond my children.
To learn to say "no".
Dinners prepared for by someone else.
No news of terrorism, murder, poverty or despair.
A cottage in the country.
A brownstone with a big front porch in Lincoln Park.
To be unaware of how bad donuts and ice cream are for me.
To have unlimited funds to travel at my leisure.
To also have a home at The Yacht Club in Disney.
To have Mad Men start this week.

Some of these things are actually possible.....if only I had more money, time and energy!

If you want to live here.....learn the shimmy!

We all love HGTV for quick mindless TV. I love it just as much as the next guy but the restraint I must have while watching 30 somethings snub a home because of it's lack of granite just KILLS me. There was a show on for a while where this Realtor was like the Dr. Phil of the industry. He really "told it like it was". I sometimes have to channel my inner Dr. Phil as well.

Those house hunting shows are a pretty accurate depiction of many buyers out there. I hear things like "I definitely need more than 3 bedrooms b/c I'm getting married". Really? Because I know a lot of families who are actually already married AND have children and only have 3 bedrooms. OMG How are they surviving? I have also heard people say "well we would have to get all new appliances" EVEN THOUGH the appliances in question are brand new and have never been used, they are just white. OMG NOT WHITE!!!!! A very common issue that a buyer looking around here would have - "How is our king size bed going to fit?". Good question. It's not. You are going to shove it in a room, climb over your husband or shimmy in the 5 in gap between the wall and the bed just to get into bed every night. Just like you are going to shove clothes into old small closets. Just like you are going to be falling over each other in small tight kitchens. BUT here's what you get in exchange!!

FABULOUS neighbors!

Walks to school or coffee or libraries!

Festivals, farmer's market, concerts!

Awesome schools!

Awesome people!

Do I worry that sometimes people forget there is more to a house than the physical elements of that house? Totally!!! I always try to remind everyone that your mortgage payment can really be broken up into percentages. 50% for the actual home. 20% for the fact that your kids can go play with the neighbor kids. 10% for the fact that when you run out of milk, your kids can run next door to borrow some. 15% for our schools. 5% for the train....

And every month I remind myself that YES, I have to shimmy into my bed as it's squeezed into a small space BUT when i wake up and someone is sick, I can get neighbors to drive to school and chances are, they'll bring me a coffee just to be kind!! I will take the shimmy every day~!

My medical charts....oh, what they must say

The other day I was at the Chiropractor for a first time appointment. We had a long talk and then he left the room to set up x-rays. He left my chart on the table. I will admit I sneaked a peak to see if the words "Nut Job" appeared anywhere. Luckily for me, I saw nothing. Then today, I had to take Harper back to the vet for a follow up blood test. I saw a vet there who I haven't seen since I emotionally collapsed in his presence about 2 years ago. I started wondering how many charts exist out there that say Julia Nicoll = Nut Job?

At Mt. Plaines Animal Hospital the chart is full of, I am sure, stories of me crying that I'm worried Harper has cancer....or crying when she gets shots.....or crying when she gets her blood drawn...or crying at anticipation of a dental cleaning. Bottom line, they just take her to the back now for everything and bypass me completely. Perfect.

About every 18 months I am convinced I have Lupus. It's not a big deal and this realization isn't alarming at all to me. I have Lupus. I have all of the symptoms and of course, that mean I have Lupus. I go to my arthritis DR and tell her that I am SURE I have Lupus. She goes along with it and although she's "doubtful" that I actually have it, she will run the blood work. The blood work always comes back with zero indication that I have Lupus. I am sure my chart is highlighted with bold letters "PATIENT SELF DIAGNOSIS VIA WEBMD. ACT LIKE SHE MIGHT BE RIGHT, RUN THE TESTS AND THEN SLOWLY BREAK THE NEWS THAT LUPUS CAN'T BE BLAMED FOR ALL OF HER PROBLEMS'.

There is no doubt that there is a file located at Northwest Community Hospital's ER that says "WARNING - THIS NUT JOB MOM HAD P.T.S.D. FROM THE TIME HER CHILD HAD SEVERE INTUSSCEPTION. THE CHILD IS FINE. THE MOTHER NEEDS PSYCH HELP." It's true that after Peter experienced intussception, every stomach ache he had made me run for help. I'm happy to say I'm over that now.

Without question, there is a file that probably alarms with lights and sirens at my dentist office. I am a complete dental phobe and probably the only adult who cries at the dentist and worries THAT the Nitrous just isn't quite strong enough. I am sure no one else has bawled to the receptionist about cavities and how "shocked" and "devastated" they are over said cavities. Clearly, the receptionist is probably requesting I stay medicated for check out next time. My chart must read "TOTAL NUT JOB PATIENT. TREAT HER LIKE A CHILD. OFFER HER WARM NECK ROLLS. DRUG HER UP AND DRUG HER UP SOME MORE. DON'T TELL HER SHE HAS CAVITIES UNTIL SHE'S IN HER CAR".

I am happy to say that there are no charts at my children's pediatrician office. I am mentally stable there, believe it or not. Go figure.

Pete and the first real day....

Today I woke up slowly...unlike last week when I popped up immediately so that I would have every single duck in a row for school starting. Today, just 1 week into the start of school, I was a bit more slow going. Truth be told, I delivered Maeve to school wearing my robe....

Anyway, when I first woke up, one of my initial thoughts were "I wonder what's on the calendar for Peter today?". Then I remembered HOLY SHIT, HE HAS SCHOOL EVERY DAY NOW!! What's worse than that is that like 20 minutes later, while showering, I wondered it again!! Hmmm??? What does Peter have today? Geeesh Lady - HE HAS SCHOOL!! This is going to take a lot of getting used to!

What did I do with this unexpected time? I finished laundry, I made 2 different pasta sauces for the week, hammered out some work issues, cleaned the kitchen and STILL had 30 minutes to spare.

So I picked Peter up from the bus and because I am a freak about promptness, I stood at the corner for 20 unnecessary minutes. The bus pulled up and the bus driver, Betty, was so sweet and loving and said "he's darling". And I gushed back saying , "I think so too". What a nut job! We walked home and I said "tell me about your day". He moaned and said "are you going to ask me that every day?". So clearly, I will know nothing about school until parent/teacher conferences in November. His questions for me? "Can I have pudding for lunch? Can we go to the Children's Museum after lunch? Can I watch Spider Man?". I tell him that after lunch we have to go to Target and he said "oh, can I get a transformer's pinata there?". That kid cracks me up.

My Middle

I am really in the middle place..As Maeve starts "middle" school, I feel like I am just as much in the middle! I don't have babies, I don't have grown children. I didn't just start a career and I am certainly not retiring. I am the "plug along" stage of life that a strange mix of been there, done that and where am I heading? This back-to-school week has me thinking....

I must admit that when I had Maeve and then Lily, I probably didn't think much past how unbelievably adorable they were. I thought about holding them, feeding them, their precious wardrobe and their perfectly home-made nurseries. I had a good 3 year window in my mind...music classes, walks in the neighborhood, and meeting other moms. I was completely unprepared for our new "middle" place. I wasn't prepared to unleash my first born into a pre-teen world of the unknown and uncontrolled. It's a good thing it comes gradually.

When we had our babies, if we were to be honest, it would be our hope that they never feel pain or angst of any kind. So when we send them off into the world, whether it's to school or the pool or a party, we hope they are good to the world and that the world is good to them. BUT, here's the kicker...we really can't control the world. Doesn't that suck? Isn't it so hard to accept that? Today, while I watched Maeve walk out of Lincoln Middle School with 8th grade boys and girls who looked like the walked out of an Abercrombie ad. I said a little serenity acceptance prayer to myself...I can not control what goes on in that building....or when she is at a dance....at camp....at high school....and on and on. Letting go....not easy.

I dropped Maeve off this morning with the whole family. I drove instead of Rob which was my tactic to just keep focused on something productive...driving. She got out and Rob helped her with her things and I just watched, swallowing, swallowing that lump that just won't go away this week. My eyes were fighting like mad to drop a few hundred tears but I just kept breathing, swallowing, focusing. Why so emotional? Letting her go....not easy.

I picked her up 3 hours later and I couldn't have been happier to see her and talk with her. I had a thousand questions but I have to go slow with her. How was it? Who is in your advisory? Did it work out with your locker? Did the lock work? Did you find your way okay? And my big one, which I didn't ask...WAS EVERYONE KIND? Please tell me everyone was kind. Please tell me that you felt secure and okay. Please assure your nut job mother that even though she is unstable at best, that YOU were okay!!! But then I thought, let it go. Not easy. Just swallow your lump.

So I am saving my lump for tonight. I plan to take a shower (a place I do my best break downs!)and cry. I have to get it out. I have to stop swallowing. My hope is that if I can just let it out, I will take a deep breath and feel better. Bottom line, she will be great. It's just the mama who is struggling.

Excercise Phobe

I started thinking the other day about how I thought that my resistance to movement had come about as an adult...or when I became a mom. But then it dawned on me, I have forever considered exercise yet have never really done it. It's absolutely without question the greatest example of resistance ever seen in history. It's the purest form of knowing better than you're doing. It's, to be frank, pathetic.

The furthest back I could remember this exercise conflict was high school. We had a pool in our backyard and I can remember thinking, "okay, if I swim back and forth in the pool over and over, I will become a really strong swimmer". Never happened.

Then there was a time, I think I was in college but maybe it was high school, that my BF Heidi and I thought it would be fabulous to tour this brand new trendy health club at the Holiday Star Theater hotel in Merrillville, where all the action was. We loved the tour. Fabulous. Sign us up for the free 2 week trial - we are there. Never went.

Every summer in college, there were several commitments to get in better shape. Now, most of these summers weight was probably not my issue but my great insecurity of being not athletic followed me like the plague. The fear that at some random cook-out, someone might ask if I wanted to play volley ball or worse yet soft ball, struck such a strong lightning bolt of anxiety through me that I plotted those summers to at least be able to feel a bit more athletic....sporty if you will. I am sure there were elaborate plans of biking and walking and walking up to the school to practice "tennis" (and by tennis I mean hitting a tennis ball against the side of my elementary school with no one else around for miles b/c I was 120% sure I looked like a big door knob!) Despite those plans, I don't remember much exercise during any of the 4 summers of college.

One time when I was a working adult, soon after graduation, I WON a 3 month membership to a gym by my apartment from a radio station. I couldn't believe it. Just what I needed - I was so excited. I do recall going there about 3 times....the big draw for me was they had tanning beds.

When I lived in Indianapolis my friends were big time runners. I have friends who run every day. During my 20's, I did not run. I would walk....and I would even walk for exercise but I certainly don't remember it ever being rigorous enough to break a sweat. One time a neighbor, who I was madly in love with, asked me if I wanted to go play tennis. HOLY SHIT...What???? He probably thought I had some skills....I am a big sports fan and I probably led him to believe that , because I was a big college basketball fan, I was somehow athletic. Well, I went ahead and walked to the tennis courts with him all the time hoping that maybe I would actually be good at tennis...maybe I was giving myself enough credit. It was devastating. Horrible. Ridiculous.

ONE TIME I ran 3 miles when I lived in Indy. Another time I ran 3 miles when we lived in Palatine. I have done Jazzercise, Zumba, tae-bo....I have tried roller blading, speed walking and slow jogging. I have done pilates and machines and swimming. I have had memberships at the YMCA, River Trails fitness center, The Wellness Center and Elements. I have analyzed and soul searched and tried like mad to figure out how I can keep a clean house, manage the lives of 3 children, volunteer my time, hold down a professional job yet can not, under any and all circumstances, commit myself to exercise. Besides the answers of I don't like it and I don't have time.... and I don't wanna (wah wah)......I got nothin'.

The sad ending to this pathetic tale of complete lack of focus and commitment, is that I MUST do something...and now I am afraid to even do anything....knowing that of course, it won't last. I have lied to myself so many times that I don't even trust myself. My body is pain....I MUST work out....I have zero choice if I want to be happy in my own skin (and clothes!). If I were reading this, I would be shouting JUST DO IT. So I guess I will just take my own advice, shut up and go for a walk even though I would rather watch House Hunters.

Door County

We just got back for a splendid 3 days in Door County. Far too short. It was glorious.

I love vacations! I love a get-away of all kinds. I love going to Louisville to visit my friends by myself. I love going on big family vacations to Disney. I love taking the kids for a quick Indiana trip. When surrounded by emails, making dinner, work issues, meetings of all kinds - it's no wonder why we all NEED to get away.

I love the build up as much as anything else. I love the questions about "is there a pool? a hot tub? Where will I sleep? Are you bringing snacks? Will we take a plane? How long to get there". I love seeing them pack - I give them a list and they come downstairs with bags, pillows, stuffed animals as if we are going away FOREVER. The night before there are more questions about if it will be dark when we wake them. Will the sun be out? Will we eat donuts in the car? "Remember that time you brought donuts to the airport?" (That was the best part of Peter's trip to Disney a few years ago....that I brought donuts to the airport!!).

So the wake up is, of course, thrilling!! And off we went.

We arrived in Door County in time for lunch. We went to PC Junction - which turned out to be Peter's favorite part of the trip. Lunch was fine but the big bonus was that this place had quite a variety of activity. There was a little jungle gym. Then there were these riding carts....like bikes but carts....?? Then there was some maze through old doors. And then the big prize - a HUGE pig and her babies. This pig was disgusting - literally laying in mud and flies and who knows what else. Pete loved it.

Then we headed to a more civilized place, Egg Harbor. We visited the Door County Confectionery and the kids were in HEAVEN. I can't lie, so was I. I love candy. I got Sixlets and a Cow's Tail. And of course, caramel.

Our room was ready so the real fun began. The anticipation of what will the resort look like? What will our condo look like? "MAMA - THERE'S THE POOL!!!". Truth be told, my kids would be totally satisfied at the Schaumburg Hyatt for vacation if there was a pool and hot tub involved. We keyed into our room and it was beautiful and perfect and everyone ran to claim their sleeping spot. My favorite part was the big porch with a peaceful view.

We did so much fun stuff but it wasn't all nonsense free. Of course, Peter is 5 so there's a decent amount of pouting if he's not completely happy - like if I want to take his picture or if we are going into a shop that isn't a candy shop. He pouted during mini golf and that ridiculous but it didn't really stop the rest of us. Lily also found herself in a few unjust situations where the world is against her and no one cares. But again, it really didn't seem to phase the group. Either we are all used to it or the 78 degree not-a-cloud-in-the-sky breeze softened the pain.

We mini golfed, ate great food, visited a beach, walked around town, listened to great music, saw gorgeous views, swam, soaked, and swam some more. When I asked Peter his favorite part he said "PC Junction - I liked that pig". When I asked him what he thought my favorite part was he said "when you found out that the candy store had Bit-O-Honey?". I laughed so hard. I did love that part. I do love Bit-O-Honey. But really the minute we opened the door to our condo might have been my favorite part...the excitement over who gets to push the elevator buttons. Who gets to put the key card in. The opening that door for the first time....knowing we are ON VACATION! We have arrived and can unpack! "MAMA - THERE'S A WHIRLPOOL IN YOUR ROOM!!!" The rest is pure bonus.

Buster

Peter Nicoll still walks out every morning and starts to run a little bit when he sees me. He jumps in my arms and squeezes tight. He still has his fuzzy hair, sleepy eyed, little boy sweetness that greets me with happiness every single day. He does not wake up crabby. He kisses me over and over. It's the best feeling ever. The other day I pulled up after work and he was in the yard and our eyes met and he started blowing me kisses over and over. The love he gives is ENORMOUS and still just as sweet and innoscent as when he was 2. We are snuggling on the couch right now and he's kissing me on the arm as I type. I am one lucky mama. What scares me most is that I know this won't last....

Summer - What did we do?

The other day someone asked the girls how our summer was and before they could answer, she asked "did you miniature golf or go to Great America or a waterpark". The answer is no, we hadn't done any of those things. I stood there defending in my mind that we did have a fun summer....right? It got me wondering, "what did we do this summer?".

I have a theory about summer. It needs just that perfect balance between active and quiet. It's not easy b/c you also have to throw in some necessary items....like work. And then there are classes - like swimming and keeping up with piano and keeping pace with ballet. Seeing family and old friends. Napping, resting, tanning. Biking, climbing, rollerblading. There are shows to see and music to go hear. There's the city, the county, the beach..... One can see how the balancing act can be tricky.

So I started thinking about the summer of 2011. Some memories came to me right away but to be honest, I couldn't remember a thing about June. What happened in June?
Oh yea - June. Summer started with Lily going to theater camp for almost 2 weeks and me working a lot during that time. Then near the end of the month, we had a little tornado in Mt. Prospect. Wowsy - trees down and such a mess and we had no power for 3 days. Then off we went to camp at the Indiana State Dunes Park. Glorious. AND we had electricity at our site which was more than we were having at home. We will never camp anywhere else again. I was proud to be a Hoosier.

July - What can we really say about July? It started with our annual July 3rd party. We turned right around to host a Mexican dinner with friends. The kids and I headed to Wisconsin to visit friends. We returned to have friends from Louisville visit for a night. We had a week of golf and pool time and then a night of non stop storms and no power. Our beautiful basement flooded. From that point to this very moment, I would say that the summer of 2011 will be marked by that flood and the continual loss of electricity we are still experiencing. BUT let's not forget some really fabulous things happened in July too!
A dear friend's wedding.
A surprise 40th birthday party for a great friend and best night of the summer.
Peter learned to ride a 2 wheeler.
Peter learned to buckle himself in the car seat (with the bribe of 2 packs of gum after 2 continuous days of buckling).
Peter learned he loves golf.
The girls had sleepovers (this is one of those line items that were fabulous for them but painful for me)
We learned card games, went swimming, had play dates, saw The Music Man, and ate a ton of ice cream.

August - still in the works but it's been pretty darn perfect. Friends from Ohio visited, Cubs game, more parties, more food, more beer and band camp. Now next week we head to Door County for one last hoorah.

We haven't played mini golf. I doubt we will make it to a water park and I know we won't be going to Great America. I do feel a little guilt about the mini golf thing....add that to the list of things to do in Door County!! I guess I am one satisfied summer customer who set out to strike a balance and might just have accomplished it!

Parenting - The Mounting Pressure

We have all seen those Datelines or 20/20's that tell the story of a teenage girl who lived in the quintessential neighborhood with what appeared as the most perfect family but found herself doing drugs with friends instead of going to school. Or we've watched segments of a child taking their own life because of bullying at school. The amount of information we know about what could happen to kids is endless - a friend of a friend, heard it on Facebook, saw it on the news, read it on the Yahoo page. Is there any question why we are all scared shitless to get this thing right?

For years, I have been keenly aware that if I don't get each stage perfectly right, I could end up with a teen who runs away, bullies, drops out of school or simply feels lost. Or if I don't discipline back talk at age 9, I will have a tween who screams at me that she's not going to do homework. There are so many scenarios that hold risk for no matter how you handle it. You could be too strict causing kids to want to rebel. Or, you could be so lenient that they are up to no good right under your nose. You could hover or you could sit back. You could talk too much or too little. You could have no trust or trust way too much. Who the hell knows? I operate with continual fear that makes huge leaps like cellphone/sexting...facebook/inappropriate pictures posted.....email/cyberbullying.....indpendence/drinking in the basement....and the list goes on.

Saying all of this, I am not a total nut job. I do let my kids have appropriate levels of independence. I just am cringing inside the whole time!! Yes, I will let Maeve have a phone. Yes, I will allow email and use of computers. I will talk too much and ignore some stuff I probably shouldn't. I won't get it all right. I will be too strict and embarrass my kids. I will apologize for flipping out over what is probably normal stuff. Once again, I wish I could just focus on kids that are 5, 10 and 11 but I know better than that...I know that 8, 13 and 14 are somewhat determined by today as much as that kind of sucks.

This isn't one of those blogs where I have some grand solution at the end. My only solution is to do my best, follow my gut as confused as it is these days, consult with my friends and to try to remember how I felt when I was 10 and 11. And lastly, stop watching Dateline.

Rants for the Day

You know how some days just suck. They just provide one irritant after another. You know you will get over it by tomorrow but for today, it sucks. Here are just a few things that got to me today - in no particular order of aggravation.

Dear Mother at Carson's whose son I nearly tripped over b/c he was aimlessly walking in front of me while looking down, oh so focused, at his DS,
If your kid can't make it through Carson's without the aid of an electronic, then he's got bigger problems than me running his ass over. Please loose the DS and get moving.

Dearest Children of mine who eat mozzarella cheese as string cheese and as a grilled cheese but not as Ham n' Cheese like I made today,
If you waste any more food or any more of my time b/c you only like certain foods paired with certain bread or hot or cold or on the side.....I promise you that if you don't finish the lunch I make tomorrow, you will never eat again.

Dear Mt. Prospect,
Why does downtown smell like urine?

Dear Summer,
I know you are here. I have heard it from others. I have yet to see if for myself. Please come and stay. Please find rides for my kids to their activities so that I can enjoy the sunshine on my deck with a cold iced tea. Please do something with the flowers that are already dead b/c perhaps they've gotten too much water or not enough sun......I know how they feel but I am hopeless with agriculture. Please remind me of why we love you so much by making the world stop and the sun shine.

I guess that's it...I mean, I am irritated at Anthony Weiner for being a Jack Ass and I am aggravated that I have worked a lot lately with not to show for it and but overall, I think I have covered it.

Sincerely - Julia Nicoll

Oprah

Being 43 years old makes me the quintessential Oprah follower. I remember when she came to Chicago to do A.M. Chicago because my Mom was a big Phil Donahue fan and this was kind of his thang. High school, college, in my 20's, when my babies were born and as they grew, Oprah gave me, in the least, 1 hour of "checking out" and at it's best, 1 hour of "plugging in". As the years went on and she really became OPRAH, her show became more of a vitamin rather than a distraction. We all really need both but it's the nutritional nugget of her message that called me back for more each day. Until this morning, when I finally watched the 3 finale shows, I reserved an hour of my day for that exponentially important vitamin. So why am I sad the show is over? It's covered a lot of my life. It's really been a teacher to me about so much....when alone, you know you aren't. When afraid, you know there are others who fear too. When down, you know others have it worse. When content, push the envelope. When your gut speaks, listen. When helpless, reach out. Write, think, listen. Forgive. Seek the truth. Be real. Be honest. Be the best YOU. Mostly, be thankful. And I am.

It's an interesting time for the show to end. My baby is graduating from preschool and off to real school and my oldest is off to middle school. I need her more than ever but alas, I must carry on apparently without the Oprah Winfrey Show. I personally think it's too much to ask but I see it kind of like I am leaving the nest or like Mama Bird kicked my ass out of the nest....either one really. Let's see if I can do this thing on my own. Let's see if what I have learned has been for naught. Let's see if I can listen to my gut, know that I'm worthy and be my best. Let's see if I can remember that steel cut oatmeal is the best breakfast food.

Ode to O. Thanks for teaching all of us gals how to be TOTAL women. Now one last thing, how in the hell am I supposed to know what to read from now on?

Real Estate....the good, the bad and the ugly

"How's the market....really?". I hear it a lot. I think most of us answer that question with such trepidation. Is it better? The answer is complicated. We aren't selling 2 bedroom ranches w/ no basements for over $300,000 and Capes aren't selling for $420,000 anymore BUT, houses sell. Every single day something sells. Buyers are pickier and sellers have been beat up. When homes are selling well, prices are controlled b/c when a seller controls price, they don't need to accommodate any other factor. Everyone can price their colonial for $500,000 whether you moved in last year or have owned it for 30 years. But when a buyer controls the market, the seller's personal motivation plays a HUGE part in the process. People who have owned their home for 20 years can be much more flexible than a couple who bought their home in 2006 and that is why we such discrepancies in price....all over the board really. Very rarely are sellers ABLE to list their home for the price I think will work. They just don't have the financial flexibility. The best thing about a seller's market is consistency. This current market is completely random.

Sometimes I think people think we miss the old market b/c it was "easier". But truth be told, my "best" years have come after the peak. Here's what most of us miss.....the JOY of real estate. I miss checking MLS every 20 minutes b/c we were waiting for that perfect house to come on the market so we could POUNCE! I miss seeing buyers fall head over heals w/ a house b/c they have been waiting to live in a certain neighborhood and now here's this house....finally! I miss seeing sellers thrilled at the price of their home. I miss the excitement that would come from an offer on one of my listings being faxed over and just dying to see the price (of course, almost every offer came in high...so not a lot of mystery but certainly a lot of excitement!). I miss calling my sellers, barely containing my own joy, that they have an offer. (Now when I call with an offer, I often have to start slow and easy b/c the number is a painful stab in the gut.)

BUT....here's why I still do it!!!! People can buy a house now who didn't have a chance before! Every year I still have clients that feel more like friends than clients and their happiness is my happiness. I still believe in the HOME. I still believe that this commodity that I manage to broker is STILL one of the greatest dreams come true. I still believe that what I sell isn't a building....I still get excited when I get a new client who is vested in the process....b/c believe me, it's a process. There's almost greater satisfaction at a closing when you and your sellers have traveled through many challenges to be able to sit there at that moment knowing WE DID IT! I still love to sit at the closing table and more times than not, we sit there sharing a bond that makes sellers and Realtors more like family.

The ups and the downs....there are pendulum swinging moments for sure. They can swallow you up. I have been in downs that are really tough. There are dark moments for every Realtor who feels helplessly held hostage by our current market. But for every "down" moment, I have had the ups too like seeing buyers tearful w/ joy that they FOUND their home....they are home.

Would I rather make a living singing folk music and traveling around the country with my band? Sure would. But until then, this gig ain't too bad!!!

Complete melt down

Tonight, while taking a few breaths looking out my kitchen window, I wondered what would happen to lab rats if they had to jump on and off their wheel every 45 minutes and do something different and then back to their wheel again......all day long. Would they too end up literally shaking while making dinner with head spinning and heart racing? I'm guessing YES. Some meltdowns you can see coming. Some come out of nowhere. This one could have been predicted. Why I hadn't done a better job preparing myself, I have no idea. Actually I do have some idea - I have no time to prepare myself. It all started with the always bad combination of too much work, too much volunteering, too little attention to my own mental health and far too many cold and dark days. Throw in a little "race against the clock" mentality and a smart ass kid and things get rolling. Top it all off w/ the fact that I had one child being dropped off to my house at the same exact time I was picking one up. And that I couldn't find shoes in the 5 seconds I left myself to get out the door so I actually wore HIGH HEEL DRESS SHOES w/ gray sweats. And had peter and b/c I feel guilty running in and out of the house all day, I brought Harper too. At this point, I was okay. Tired, but okay. As I got to school, I noticed all of these cars were parked. WHAT??? Why are they parked? Are we supposed to be at this dress rehearsal? Oh shit....is this the day I am going to be trained as the "microphone supervisor"? I am wearing high heals w/ sweats!! I have a preschooler and a dog in the car? I am supposed to be home for Lily!! That was the moment it all came crashing down. I didn't have my phone. I was so panicked I was actually going to just drive off when I saw Maeve flag to me that I needed to come in to check her out. I am SURE this information was in an email. I am positive of that. But I read a billion emails a day and lately, I can't keep track of what is what - work emails, volunteer emails, school emails, schedule changes....who knows. I was just proud I knew last Tuesday was "bun day" at ballet. Anyway .....I run into Fairview huffing and puffing, car running w/ Peter and Harper, and me in brown high heal shoes, white sports socks and gray sweats..... When I returned to the car, I was a disaster....ranting about how all of this is "too much". I am boo hooing big time all the way home. I arrive home to find that indeed, Lily and her ride is waiting for us (thankfully, the driver is a dear friend!!). As I am melting down, I think "I have to make dinner....I have no idea what to make". Once inside, I trip over boots, backpacks. I yell out "pick up this crap. I do not want ONE SINGLE THING touching this floor unless it's furniture...". I go to make dinner.....literally shaking....wondering why I said I would help with the cast party. Why did I say I would be microphone supervisor. Why did I say I would chaperon the 5th grade Open Gym Night. I know the answer.....I think it's important. I know it's the right thing to do. I know it means a lot to my kids. But as my mind races between work and writing Thank You notes for the Foundation and getting a deposit to the venue for next year and loosing weight and working out and the many missed choir practices and why I haven't gotten my family to church on a regular basis and how I really don't like playing Star Wars and how my son doesn't know the alphabet and have I had enough water today and we don't have a present for a birthday party and how Rob & I make zero time for our relationship, it's exhausting. And we all do this. I am not alone. This is not a boo-hoo fest for me. We are all interrupted every 45 (or fewer) minutes w/ pick ups and drop offs and questions and meal prep and phone calls and door bells and homework. We moms (and dads!) are insane humans. That is why we all long for quiet and peace and our beds. This is why sleeping is my favorite thing to do. I know I need to simplify. It's VERY difficult to do....it's all important. Work, life, kids, our health, our time, our experiences. I have zero idea how to do it any better. I should make better lists, take better notes, be more prepared. But, in the end, I am just too tired.

Go ahead and eat like shit

I had a light bulb moment today. Why am I spending so much time and energy into feeding my children. I mean, I would be a much happier person if that was a fight that I didn't have to have. So, I am giving up. I do not care. Here's a bit of the message I am sending to the Nicoll Three. Dear Children, It's my job to ensure you eat well enough to grow. It's my job to make sure you aren't starved or dehydrated. I will make sure those 2 things do not occur. But I can no longer muster up enough energy to create an entirely different meal for you so that you indeed eat. Because, even when I do that, you end up eating yogurt at 8:00 anyway. I can't keep track if Lily had chocolate milk 2 times to the 1 time that Maeve had chocolate milk. From today on, I will make dinner one way. The way Daddy and I want to eat it. You are welcome to eat that meal. I will not answer "what are we having for dinner". I will not try to make your dinner different than our's in hopes that it's more what you like. I am not not going to worry if you have had enough milk or fruits and the constant worry that none of you consume veggies outside of potato chips. I will not buy the cinnamon waffles you all love b/c you eat the box in 1 day and then fight about who had the last one. Frankly, 2 of the 3 of your are too old for this nonsense. So, eat what I cook or don't eat. Eat what I buy or don't eat. Enter my kitchen at your own risk. LOVE, your over-worked, underpaid and fairly undernourished herself Mother.

Finally

I have had a million things to write about....kids, the Foundation Dinner/Auction, my constant eye on the ever changing face of politics, my obsession with progressive talk radio and even the tough times we find ourselves in our own school district. But I have either not had the words, the time, the creative energy or the freedom to write without constantly editing myself. Today, I have a real purpose. My baby is turning 5 tomorrow. It breaks my heart a little bit every day to think of him leaving being a baby for being a big boy. If he wasn't still so affectionate and completely devoted to me, I would have to be committed. Lock the doors. Mama's breaking down. Peter most certainly has it all right now - he's hilarious, he's loving, he wants me to still hold him but he can also tell a great story. His words and tone mingle in and out of serious and funny. He plays "house" and then star wars. He runs and kicks like a hot shot and then plays dress up with his sisters. I am proud to say that I think he charms the pants off everyone he meets. And even with the world as his oyster, he says he wants to marry me. How did I get so lucky? I really don't know but I really believe God knew we needed him. I know some day he will truly be over me....he'll be too big to hold, embarrassed to play make believe and even marry some other girl. But for now, even at 5, he's still a mama's boy.

We set the tone.

It's taken me a few weeks to put into words my thoughts on this subject.
Before I get wordy and loose focus (which is why it's taken me so long to get this done), I just want to say this. It's simple - being positive is good for the whole. The Village and the school board can take the heat but it's not good for US. Negativity is not good for the whole.
Recently a few things have happened that certainly got my blood boiling (now you're thinking, "NOW, she's getting to the point"). Both our village and our school system has taken a beating for A. things that are beyond their control and B. the decisions they make. Mostly, it makes me totally insane when people say things in the public forum (newspapers, Facebook) that are at best inappropriate but in the least inaccurate. One time I read "where does the mayor and village manager live b/c they obviously don't care about MP?". What? Really? Do people really think these things? Is that a responsible thing to say? Here's the answer - they both live here and they care very much. But the more and more we stir that pot, the worse it gets. It's not good for the whole. Why can't we say "the board of trustees love our town and had to make very difficult decisions that I am not willing to make since I didn't run for Board Trustee".
We have been blessed beyond with a fabulous school district. Our kids get opportunities I know most of us never got. We have loving teachers who try their best. We have school spirit and science fairs and orchestra and drama club. We have band and chorus and art club and computer classes. Our kids are blessed.
We also have a school board of 7 members who do their best. I want to ask the critics "Did you know they spend countless hours every month researching and analyzing data and discussing every decision they make? Did you know our district is NOT mandated to provide bussing? Our district could just say "no more bussing" b/c they are not mandated by the state to provide that service but they do. Did you know that last year the school district had to return about $500,000 back to Cook County for the people who fought their property taxes, won and were given back money? Did you know our administration team is the 5th lowest paid Admin. team in the 6 school districts that surround us? Did you know most schools the size of LP and FV also have vice principals but that cut was made long ago? Did you know that it's not really a blast trying to figure out how to accomplish these budget cuts.?" Why can't we just say "our school board is trying their best. They are making decisions I am not willing to make since I didn't run for school board."
Lastly, a mom I know whose oldest will be going to Kindergarten said to me "I have heard so many bad things about Westbrook. Should I send my son somewhere else? Is it really that bad of a school". This broke my heart. I think we all get so worked up we forget that our words have consequences. We set the tone for what people perceive. The issues at Westbrook have to do w/ adults. The KIDS at Westbrook get a fabulous education by teachers who work their asses off to make sure it's a loving environment. I mean, no matter how mad you are at the school board, do you honestly want people to believe Westbrook is a "bad" school? Is that good for the whole? It is even good for you?
After that mom asked me that question about Westbrook, I just thought "this isn't good for us. All of this negative banter and chit chat isn't good for the whole. I don't want parents who know NOTHING about the school district to have her first impression be that it's "not good". WHAT? We have to watch how and what we say, whether it's in this blog or on FB or in the Daily Herald. I am not suggesting we never question authority but let's just do it in a way that is productive - go to the source, go to meetings, ask questions, try to help, run for office, vote for who you believe in.
Let's serve us all well - this is Mt. Prospect dammit - where "friendliness is a way of life". We set the tone....it's up to us.

How I can prove PMS is real!

I have had approximately 424 periods in my life. But somehow, each month I am surprised by this PMS thing. I don't even honestly realize it until day 2 or 3. So how can I prove that PMS is real?
Because for 28 days of the month I live with a small kitchen. For 3 days of the month I live in a kitchen where people are intentionally standing in front of drawers and dishwashers and purposely on top of me.
For 28 days of the month I wish Lily would put her bangs back in a clip. For 3 days of the month I can only stare at those bangs....I see nothing else....I will beg, plead and bribe her to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF MAN KIND PUT THOSE BANGS BACK IN A CLIP.
For 28 days of the month I eat fairly horribly. For 3 days of the month, I eat like a kid their first week in college.
For 28 days of the month, I am with it during the day...not like I am doing aerobics mid afternoon, but at least awake. For 3 days of the month, I walk around in a coma blinded by headaches and counting the minutes until I can sleep again.
For 28 days of the month, I am productive. I get stuff done. For 3 days of the month, I look around not knowing what to do when or how. I am confused, boggled, overwhelmed and therefore do nothing. It's so bad, I can't even imagine I will ever be productive again. I believe my only solution is naps and ice cream.
For 28 days of the month, I make dinner. For 3 days of the month I wander around my kitchen trying to match ingredients but never managing much more than cereal.
But to fully bring this point home, today after school Lily said words I had been dreading. "The science fair is coming up". OH NO. I HATE SCIENCE FAIRS. If this would have come on any of those other 28 days I am guessing I would have been cringing but might have had some level of restraint regarding my own psychosis. But today, one of those 3 dreaded days, I just couldn't bear those words. The Science Fair. For days I had been hoping that neither one of my kids finds out about the science fair. I dread, hate, fear the science fair. Both girls have done plenty of science fairs and I am fairly confident neither one remembers anything about what they learned. I think they remember the actual fair and how fun it is running around with all of the kids. But I am certain they have zero memory of the pain and agony that came before those glorious moments at the fair. So when today, Lily said "Andrea and I are doing the science fair together", I nearly fainted. I just said "nope. We aren't doing science fairs this year". I could hear how that sounded and I think I was actually moaning when I said it. Probably even whining. I felt badly that she felt badly but not today, not now. I HATE SCIENCE FAIRS. So there you have it - proof that PMS is real. When a rational intelligent mom tells her enthusiastic 3rd grader "no way" to an American past time like the science fair, we have proof. It's real.

Chocolate Long John

2011 Update thus far....
Well I am pretty sure when I woke up this morning determined to exercise some level of discipline with my food intake, the chocolate long john donut from Marianos wasn't part of the plan. However, 6 hours later and a bit on the hungry side, I found it to be the perfect lunch. Some day soon, I will focus. I know what to do but I am definitely a bit ADD in life...I really can only focus on a few things at once. So for now, it's work and the Ed. Foundation Spring event. To truly eat well and focus on exercise, I need nothing to stop me. Basically I need nothing else to do! That's pathetic but true. So, for now I give thanks that I am not diabetic or 400 lbs given my diet in the last 2 months.
I am showing condos in the Gold Coast of Chicago and being in the city is right up my alley. Even the challenge of where to park gets me pretty excited. I am a city girl who wants a country home for "holiday". Real estate is good. It's not dead. It's very much kickin' and I think 2011 will see some huge improvements in both home sale prices and length of time on the market. Perhaps forever an optimist, but my gut tells me that there is a shift out there. Saying that, I think that sellers who won't accept reasonable offers don't really want to move and buyers who want to see 129 homes don't really want to buy. But for people who want to "make it happen", this is a great time.
For the first day back to school this past Monday, I was chilled. Whatever happens, happens. People were calling me w/ school questions and I didn't have the answers but more amazingly, I didn't even care. I was so chilled out. 24 hours later I was screaming at Maeve for not getting ready fast enough since she didn't get up early enough for bad. I even let little Peter Nicoll have it for stalking my every move. I stood here at 7:50 wondering where my chilled out attitude was and then I remembered how I was going to "accept myself in 2011!". When I realized that it's okay to be chilled AND it's okay to yell at the morning chaos, I felt better. Both are really fine. A work in progress.....that's fo sho.